Cavegirl MBA (the first neanderthal woman ever to land a job as CEO of a Fortune 500 company, I understand, and good on her!) has very kindly given me the Liebster Award. With this Award comes Responsibilities. I must answer ten questions about myself (easy for an egocentric cow like moi) and nominate ten other bloggers to pass the award on to (also easy, as there’s so much talent to choose from). Ps, just kidding, Cavegirl.
First, the Questions.
- What was your dream job when you were a kid? When I was a kid, my dream was to live in a burrow underground, a bit like a wombat burrow but bigger, eat woodland fruits (whatever they are), and learn to talk to animals. Does that count as a job? I still kinda like the idea…
- What does it say on your business card now? How far is that from your dream job? It says Useless P……no it actually says Policy Officer. When I’m trying to bignote myself, I say I’m Policy MANAGER..but what the hell, it’s still a long way from that burrow. The way I visualise it is this, my job is to help make things better for people. Kinda like fetching a cup of tea and a biscuit, only with much more red tape.
- How would you explain interest rates to a four-year old? Wanna know why mummy’s not going to buy you that Super Dooper electric tricycle?
- Would you rather choose ten weeks of holiday or a ten-percent increase in net salary? I already did. Choose the holiday. And that’s the OTHER reason why mummy’s not going to buy you that (substitute Super Dooper Iphone, now they’re teenagers).
- Is there any company you really admire, but whose products you still do not buy? And is there any company you really detest, but whose products you still buy? I don’t buy spotty organic veges and I don’t go to the Farmers’ Markets – but I’m so glad somebody does! As for the latter, I sometimes buy stuff from cosmetics giants – but I still wish they would all die in hell, because they’re so mean to rabbits.
- How would you define the limit between corporate gifts and bribery? Is it monetary value only? I don’t know. I put a sign out on my desk saying ‘Bribes Welcome’ but so far nothing’s come in. Maybe I should change it to ‘Corporate Gifts Accepted Gladly!’?
- Suit & tie or business casual? Or bikini? Or…? Fur coat (that’s my name for a coat with dog hair all over it), tracksuit pants and a low cut top…cause you never know!
- What was the coolest thing you ever bought? Why? My Orgasmatron! I’ve lost it now, but it’s this thing you put on your head and it sends shivers right through your body. It’s…orgasmic!
- What was the most expensive thing you ever bought? How long did it take until you got used to having it? My new (used) four wheel drive Monster Truck. And I still haven’t got used to having it. I’m expecting to be pulled over any minute by a cop saying ‘Ma’am, I’d like you step away from the vehicle please, NOW! You do understand that it’s illegal to drive this vehicle unless you’re a Big Hairy Singleted Male, don’t you?”
- Please complete the following sentence: Money is….., and success is …… Money is that stuff I see for several milliseconds in my account on payday, before it races out to greet its new owners. Success is Feeling Niiiice! (imagine jazz accent with that one).
And the Awardees?
FrankAngle. He has these snippets out of the Onion and various other amusing publications. When I read his blog, I find myself doing dumb stuff, like giggling and snorting. Sometimes I need tissues!
Misha Burnett. Misha and I don’t always agree on how we see the world, BUT, and I mean this, Misha’s novels are up there with Michael Crichton (well, better than old MC, actually): they are superbly written, original, surprising, and page-turning. Oh and Misha is himself a person of great worth and likeability. Check out his new one, Cannibal Hearts. Even the cover is awesome.
Rumpydog. Rumpy’s owners works tirelessly to rescue animals in need, on very little income. He also highlights issues of animal exploitation and cruelty. Rumpy helps, when he can. Here is a picture of the noble hound. Go Rumpy, you’re my hero!!!
Texthistory. I probably nominated her before but whatever. Thing is, you always learn something you didn’t know from Barb. I can’t count the times I’ve enlivened dull parties by quoting something from Barb’s amazing fund of historical and pop culture knowledge (at least, I would have, if I had her fabulous memory!). For instance, did you know that at a certain point in history, women couldn’t be hanged because you might see up their skirts? This wasn’t entirely a blessing in disguise…you’ll have to check out the post to see why.
A Blumes with a View. You have to see his iconic Candy Kournikova and other variations on the theme of Bizarro Corn.
Damantigui’s Blog. I love the advice meted out to a maverick priest by his superior: ‘David defeated Goliath with a sling and a stone, never “fucked” him. We do not refer to Judas as “fucking bastard scumbag.” Do not call the Pope “The Godfather.”’ Hey, why not!
Joel of Inner Organs. He’s about to publish a book, intriguingly titled Without Due Care (sounds like a summary of the way I live my life, especially the romantic bits of it!). Here’s a bit out of it. “It’s best to start out honest. That’s what I used to think, anyway, even if my life might suggest otherwise. So I might as well be honest now. I’ve done some bad things, and there’s not a lot of point in pretending otherwise. It’ll all come out one way or another. But the thing is, I didn’t set out to do any damage. No one was supposed to get hurt.” Incredible! Is this guy writing my biography or WHAT!
The New Word Mechanic. There’s a great youtube clip with these geeky looking guys singing about science to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody. Go there!
And yes, I know that’s not ten, but it’s as much as I’m going to make this time! Yahoo keeps dying on me so I’m going to quit while the going’s good!