Apocalypse…later

mad max

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The end really is nigh.

It began as a dim light in the winter sky.  And now, scientists have announced that on 15 July, Comet Grijalva is on track to strike the earth and obliterate all life.  The comet is named after the PhD student who discovered it, Katherine Grijalva.  And what is Karen doing now?  Out getting drunk, or laid, or both…

What are you going to do between now and the end of the world?  Better make it good, it’s the LAST CHANCE YOU’LL EVER HAVE!!!

Or maybe it isn’t.

Misha Burnett and a group of talented authors from around the world will soon be releasing a book of short stories around the theme of the Fauxapocalypse – the End that was expected to come but then, just didn’t – familiar enough territory to some whacky sects but in reality, full of ramifications and oddities.  Here’s a taster..

“July 16th, 2015, the day that wasn’t going to happen, dawned on a world that was still, pretty much, all there.  Seven billion people suddenly realized that, despite everything, tomorrow came after all.  Now what?”

(Misha)

“Tomorrow my life will end.

Hold up, I’m not talking about suicide or anything. Nothing that dramatic. No, I’m talking about the end of the world.”

(Kate, she of the witty and interesting blog which you all should check out, http://themagicviolinist.blogspot.com.au/2013/09/im-getting-published-d.html)

“….Bindi felt really sick.

Well that was because, for the last three days, she’d been living on nothing but cheese and onion chips. Well, pretty much.  That, and iced vovoes, and pringles, and bacon balls, and coke -oh yeah, a shitload of coke.

Why not?  It’s not like there’s gonna be weight limits for getting into heaven, she reminded herself.  Like, Biggest Loser, End of the World special?  If there was, Aunty Sandy sure wouldn’t make it in there, all hundred fifty kilos of her, and that’s not counting the beads.  Bindi Abrahams loosened the elastic waistband of her trackie daks and stuffed another biscuit into her mouth.  Then she chucked.

(Rose, yes, I know I snuck in there)

… especially as I’d stopped paying the rent months ago; didn’t seem to be any point what with the end of the world and all. Except that was yesterday… and the world was still here, and all I was left with was an opinionated kitty, watermelons and vodka.”

(Debbie)

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he started his morning ritual of picking straw from his hair. There were not enough beds for everyone, and it made sense for the less able to get those there were, but calling a giant sack of straw a mattress did not make it any cleaner or more comfortable.”

(David)

Look!” someone shouted. A hand pointed at the sky, at a shooting star passing over the Earth. A shimmering trail of grey followed, imbued with tiny specks. The comet, not on a collision course. Shouts around me said the same, a notion, knowledge that it had passed us, pieces deteriorating before my very eyes.”

(Alexandrina)

I’ll post more excerpts as they come up, but for now…what WOULD you do if you had that ‘year to live’ thingy?  Me, I would eat junk (or nothing), let my pets run around on the golf course, lie out in the garden nude except for my duvet, and catch up on all the napping I wished I’d done earlier (but was too busy living, more fool me).

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32 comments

    • Yeah, you are supposed to spend your last moments with family. But when you’d done a few weeks with them, you’d probably be thinking about blessed solitude (and cheese). Just invite them back in at the last minute to say goodbye.

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  1. If I could pull it off, I’d travel around the world by cruise ship, avoiding any pirate-infested areas of course. And I wouldn’t feel guilty when I ate the chef’s wonderful desserts. Hmm, is it wrong to wish for the end of the world now?… 😉

    • You anti-green thing, you. But what would you do with all those lights and water? You could for instance have a bath like the cat in the hat, you know sort of in the whole house instead of just the tub…under blazing chandeliers perhaps?

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  2. Have a lot of sex, see the ocean one last time, say good-byes to the people I care about, move to the mountains, take my dogs out exploring everyday..(I may do a lot of stuff!) 🙂
    ps – Mad Max is one of my all-time favorite movies.

    • I have to re-watch it – I haven’t seen it for 20 years! I don’t like Mel Gibson now…but that doesn’t matter, he was young and hunky then. Your idea sounds right up my street! Move out to the mountains with a ton of dog food and all the lost dogs from the dog pound!

  3. Everyday is the end of the world but we truly dont know if it is. But since you put a date on when we will die, I’ll have to say i’ll end up doing something on day 1 that will cause me to spend the 364 remaining days in jail. So you have to throw in that within this year you have to live you can live without rules

  4. I hadn’t thought of this before reading this great blog post, but I am kind of surprised now that there is not more apocalyptic fiction coming out now considering what a mess things are now.
    The book sounds great!

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