What’s the worst book you ever read?

The worst book I ever read was something called The Demon Lover, by Patricia somebody or other. I found it in a Salvation Army thrift shop – and I just HAD to buy it!

Because we’ve all dreamt about the Demon Lover, haven’t we? Just me, then? You know, the guy who’s totally besotted with us but more than a bit dangerous – and not just because he has studs in unusual places. He smoulders – sometimes literally. He has Powers Beyond the Normal (he CAN find the clitoris). He is way hotter than any of your friends’ boyfriends.

Anyway. The Demon Lover in this book was an actual rapist, and grumpy as fuck. Biggest waste of 50 cents in my life. The Mark – however – the first book in my trilogy Like Flies – also contains a  lover of the non-human persuasion, and he, let me tell you, is much nicer in every way.

In Like Flies, you’ll meet Green – a girl who’s self-conscious, hot-tempered, sceptical and brave. She’s loosely modelled on my own daughter Ms M (let’s hope she never reads this). You’ll meet the monk who becomes head of the next big thing after Scientology, the queen of hell with a taste for BDSM, the singer who rises to the very top of the rock world (with a little help from above), and the goddess who tramps around in ugg boots and doesn’t shave her underarms.

And of course the love interest. Gorgeous – that goes without saying – and maddeningly placid. That’s how I like them.  I ask you, would YOU want to share your short mortal existence with a bad-tempered, domineering immortal (however hot)?

Anyway, now I’m done, I never want to meet (or write) another hot god in my life. My next book (a series) is about a retired Byzantine courtesan turned private detective, and I’m having a ball with that. She (like me) has no scruples about looking a man up and down from his head to his toes and murmuring in  a Mae West whisper, ‘You should come up and see me some time, handsome’.

So what was the worst book you ever read?  And…be honest…have you ever hankered after a Demon Lover (or worse, actually had one?).

Free Advance Reader Copies of The Mark here

 

27 Comments

  1. After this post, I’m laughing too hard to be able to remember if I’ve ever read a book. I’m going to have to binge read this blog so as not to miss any of your other posts.

  2. I don’t remember … oh wait, what was that book I read a few years ago where the final chapter or two just completely destroyed the entire story and made me want to throw the book against the wall. Damnit! I don’t remember.

    Or there was the self-published book I read about five years ago — I read the entire thing until about the last ten pages and then decided not to finish it because I simply did not care about the characters, their story, or how it would end. Could probably find it on my Kindle somewhere.

    1. Actually I didn’t mention it here, but Hunter S Thompson’s thing about how great it is to take meth was even worse than The Demon Lover. Talk about a load of self-indulgent, narcissistic (god that’s hard to spell), pseudo-spiritual nonsense!

  3. I’ve definitely encountered a few over the years but the worst (and also most terrifying) was Mein Kampf. I read it for a uni class. Not only was it terrifying, it was also boring and poorly written – a real chore to wade through it. I understood completely why many people initially dismissed it as utter drivel.

    A great post – very funny. 😀

  4. Oh hang on, I thought of one…Julius Caesar. His Gallic Wars are pretty good, as literature. Course, you do get sick of the battle plans if you’re not a military history buff.

  5. Conan Doyle’s “Red Knight,” amazingly trite, poorly written and extremely derivative. Hard to believe that the man who created Sherlock Holmes could have an “off” day with such a vengeance.

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