Maybe transwomen know what it’s like to be a woman…

I don’t. I mean, I was born with a vagina, uterus and associated stuff, but if you asked me what it feels like to be a woman, I couldn’t answer you. Oh, I could list all the external stuff – like the hungry way men look at you sometimes (now, at my advanced age, never), or the way you listen for footsteps when you’re walking through the dark alone, or the way your IQ is assumed to be ten points lower in male company. There’s the maternal urge, a visceral attachment to that cooing thing that comes out of your womb (but if men had wombs, wouldn’t they feel the same? It’d be like having balls that love you back).

But none of that really describes what it feels like to be female. I don’t care about handbags. I don’t want big hair. I hate high heels. I don’t think I’m biologically incapable of fixing fences or changing tyres (I’m just incompetent, although my sister isn’t). In fact, there’s nothing about me I’d define as female except my bits. I certainly don’t consider myself to have a female brain (although I probably do in some ways).

So when a biological boy decides ‘I’m a girl’ how do they know? What does it mean to feel girly? Is it easier to tell if you’re not one (biologically speaking)? Perhaps transwomen are more womanly than biological women; having been denied technical womanhood at birth, they really ‘get’ what it is to be female. They’re certainly better at sport, which, I guess, is the reason why there are few transmen (if any) clamoring to get into Rugby League. In fact transmen don’t seem to make much of a stir at all, and that (traditionally) has been one of the key qualities attributed to females – a sort of gentle acceptance of the status quo.

You know what – if I could be a man for a day (which, by the way, I would LOVE) I wouldn’t settle for just wearing trousers and growing a little stubble (I do that already). I’d be a big swinging dick of a man, with a full beard and a roving eye and a motorbike…basically, I’d be the kind of man I’d like to fuck (back in the days when such a thing was on the cards). But that’s how a woman (me) feels about being a man. It’s not necessarily how a man feels about being a man.

So can you define ‘being female’ for me? What does it feel like to be a woman?

Oh, and if you like free Mythological Romance, here’s a bunch of it. I’m promoting my fantasy trilogy Like Flies, which (as usual) doesn’t fit into any of the genre boxes, but I guess it involves mythology, and romance. And flies (not really, although A Bug’s Life shows that romance and insects are not entirely incompatible).

Photo by Levi Meir Clancy on Unsplash


  1. It seems to be a combination of upbringing and role models. I’ve always related to Gwen Stefani’s version of “Just a Girl.” It misses the mark your question and how it feels to be a woman. All I know is I still feel like me, a little insecure despite my age, but a better actress.

  2. Men don’t need to have wombs or to give birth to create an unbreakable, previously unknown bond with that cooing thing in their arms. I never knew such a feeling was possible, such a bond was possible, until my son was born.

    As for your concluding question… I’ll flip it around. I have no idea how it feels to be a man also. There are so many things that are viewed as typically “male” … what they’re supposed to do, how they’re supposed to act, how they’re supposed to feel (or not feel), that are the polar opposite of me. But I am most definitely a man … just not the stereotypical type.

    1. No I agree, though I think it does make a difference when you physically carry, bear and breastfeed a child. Yes, the bond for both parents is stronger than can easily be described. About being a man, I reckon the same thing goes. You just are a man. Take away all the culture and gender stuff and the accoutrements, you just are… but is it different from being a person? Apart from the sexual aspect?

      1. This gets to one of my massive pet peeves about the modern age … the never-ending quest to find what makes us different rather than what makes us similar. We are all human beings first. Everything else should be irrelevant.

      2. I do see what you mean. Perhaps it’s a reaction against past tropes where to be different was to be less, and where differences were often squashed by the dominant culture. Like the suppression of Welsh and Irish languages by the English. But yeah, I agree that focusing on our common humanity is what will save us.

      1. I agree completely. It’s an interesting idea… I’ve been wondering what it would be like if for some reason we were unable to judge each other on appearance. Perhaps we were all blind, or perhaps everyone looked exactly the same…

  3. I have no idea, either, what it ‘feels’ like to be a woman. Like you, I know how I experience life as a woman, but if I didn’t have to take so much caution in the world, due to my having a female body, I might experience it totally differently. I know that many transwomen are actually autogynephiles – men who get a sexual thrill over the idea of being female, as many Twitter and TikTok accounts will testify to, but what that ‘inner woman essence’ is that gets referred to is anyone’s guess. Those with genuine gender dysphoria seem to have a disassociative disorder between their bodies and their brains. None of which, however, answers what it ‘feels’ like to be a woman 🙂

    1. It suggests that there is a female brain. However my psychologist daughter says that transwomen don’t exhibit the mental characteristics of biological females. If there is a female brain, there’s no evidence that they have one, and some evidence that they don’t. Anyway, my theory is that it doesn’t feel like anything to be a woman, once you subtract the irrelevant details. Maybe you’re more inclined to talk first and punch later, but that’s about it

  4. I will not get into definitions. Daughter #2 is very big on gender issues. That is enough (definitions) for me. 😉
    I see you’re from Down Under.
    Democracy all right. But always under threat I guess.
    Have a great day. Mine’s over, your should begin shortly.

      1. Thank you. We’re 17 hours behind you. Always fascinates me to “chat” with someone who is already t0-morrow. Here it is 7:30PM. For you it should be 12:30 on the 8th. Enjoy your lunch.

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