You’ve signed on to #MeToo. You’ve canceled JK Rowling. You’ve expunged Little Britain from your video collection. Think you can call yourself woke? Think again.
Picture this. You’re at a bus stop. As you’re standing there in your mid-heeled pumps and pencil skirt, minding your own business, up swishes a Vision in stilettos, hair so bouffant it has its own postcode, cleavage deep enough to park a Porsche, nails like talons and perfume that comes perilously close to chemical warfare. “Darling,” he says, in a breathy voice, “has the Number 22 been yet?”
Well, you’re no bigot, so you just say, “No, it’s just running a little late,” and go back to perusing New Idea.
But should you? After all, this guy is pretending to be you. Somewhere along the line, he’s thought to himself, wouldn’t it be great to be a girl….now let’s see, what is it about girls that makes them so….girly? Is it their love of babies? Their ability to have a conversation without trying to one-up? Their general disinclination to punch one another?
Nope. It’s their frivolousness, their sissiness (oooh! my nails! a spider! save me!), their love of handbags and hairspray and makeup, their inability to get out the door in less than three hours. Just say ‘Dat boy really love his watermelons!’ and be done with it, for Chrissakes.
Just kidding. Dress up to your heart’s content, it’s fine by me. I totally agree, it’s more offensive when a white person pretends to be a black person and does the whole watermelon/fried chicken/yo mama thing than when a male person impersonates a female person and does the whole ditzy ritzy Gloria Swanson Mae West thing….
Could be worse. Could be Big Mama.