The joy of…putting weird shit on your hair

It’s coming up to about two months since I washed my hair. That is, with the conventional stuff, you know, shampoo, conditioner, things you buy at the shops. Ms M and I both decided to ditch the bottles in favour of Seeing What Happens If.  Since we started the big experiment, we’ve washed our hair with –

  • Baking soda. Cheap, easy to make (you just put a spoonfu in water), and gets the oil out. Other than that, thumbs down.
  • Green tea and sage leaves soaked in hot water.  Sounds good but it feels like you went swimming in a swamp. Thumbs down.
  • Apple cider vinegar in water.  Makes your scalp dry and does not result in lustrosity of any kind. Thumbs down.
  • Stale beer and eggs.  My Thai massage lady suggested this (Ms M thought she was playing a joke on me).  Works on her (long black shiny hair) but not on me (smells like scrambled eggs and the pub).
  • Stale beer by itself!  Well, River God likes to leave the fag end of the beer in the bottle, on the grounds that it’s too ‘yeasty’ to drink. So why not avoid waste and tip it on your head!  Not bad – the pub smell only lasts half a day – but again, hair still lacking in lustrosity. Mind you, I think it had a slight blonding effect (maybe cause it’s pale ale).
  • Honey and water (shook up in a jar).  Apparently it has to be ‘natural’ honey and ‘distilled’ water, but what the hell, I used tap water, what’s the diff!  Ms M did it and her hair looks nice enough, as usual, but I have yet to see head-tossingly glamorous results a la ‘You’re Worth It’.
  • Honey and a few drops of sage oil. Now it’s just getting silly!  Cream and eggs, anyone?

And the upside of all this?  BEFORE, I was worried about my hair thinning.  I even tried pills (until my beard started growing).  But AFTER?  I’m pretty sure it’s thicker.  Maybe it’s all the goop.  THEY keep saying hair dyes and shampoos make no difference to female baldness but I remember when my eldest sister let her hair go grey (ie stopped dyeing it), that comb-over look went within a month. So there.

What is the dumbest thing you’ve put in your hair – and has anything made you look remotely like Salma Hayek?


  1. Did you really take pills? I’ve been thinking about taking these pills called propecia because my hair is thinning at the front. Trouble is, there have been ‘case reports’ of permanent sexual dysfunction in people taking them. Like, castration. So starting them is a scary prospect. There are actual proven shampoo treatments for thinning hair with this ingredient minoxidil. The product’s called rogaine. A quick google would tell you that obviously, so you might have heard if you’ve been taking an interest in this for months.

    1. Yeah I did (hear of Rogaine) but it smells stinky and is commonly associated with men so..I did too take pills..for a bit. But they’re supposed to reduce your sexual desire and as I had a relatively new boyfriend at the time this prospect didn’t attract me. It’s bad enough being menopausal as it is – one minute you could take on Rome and the next minute you’re ready for a nunnery. But you know, I think guys look good with shaved heads – you could try that! No really it is depressing – but what can you do but laugh.

  2. I do treatments in addition to shampooing; Honey and olive oil has a purifying effect and makes hair shiny and more manageable (and smells lovely) and every so often, I put an egg in. Also makes hair very soft and shiny. Both must be washed out after 20 or so minutes though 😉

    Also, for amazingly soft skin, try a body scrub made of coffee grounds, brown sugar and olive oil. Talk about feeling pampered! 🙂

  3. A daughter was using egg whites for some time and thought it promising. Why is it so terrifying to just let our hair be our hair…I know the dye is causing my issues, but I Just. Can’t. Give. Up. The. Box. Yet.

    1. Yeah I know. River God says he’s going to let his long hippy locks go grey now – but that doesn’t mean I can let the side down. When you stop dyeing your hair you kinda give in to getting old!

  4. I used mayo years ago because my hair was so bleached it turned to straw. Other than that, paper powder if I couldn’t wash my hair at the last minute and needed to be somewhere. It smelled good and took the grease out of my bangs. 😛

      1. BABY powder! Funny, I use that on the carpet every now and again when I’m fed up with the dog smell. Nah i’m just jealous – I never dyed my hair blonde because the one time I tried on a blonde wig I looked like I was in drag.

  5. The only thing I ever put in my hair besides shampoo and conditioner was lemon juice when I was younger to highlight it in the sun. Looks like I’m rather boring. By the way, I’d love to see a picture of your beard. 😉

  6. Good heavens, my hair has been so unfairly treated for years, I can’t imagine why it has not decided to pack and leave camp permanently. Back in another lifetime, it has been dyed and bleached, permed and shellacked, straightened and teased all in the name of head shots and photo shoots. Scary. And I now try to make it up to my hair by some days not even taking a brush to it. I have a lot of apologizing to do.

  7. You frickin’ kill me some days, Rose. I use the same crap every single day–Suave shampoo and conditioner, which are supposed to be crap for your hair. I’m just glad I have any hair at all, since my dad was a comb-over “chrome-dome” by the time he was 40, I think. I DO look just like Salma Hayek, though, well, except for the hair, the build, and the wedding ring from the billionaire spouse. But otherwise the similarity is remarkable.

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