There’s this woman.
She’s got a grey crew-cut, a man-shirt and pants, usually cut off mid-calf with sensible shoes and short white socks. She always smiles when she sees me and says ‘Hello Rose, how are you?’ as if she really wants to know. I should appreciate that.
She’s got this pet topic, and whenever there’s a conference or a meeting ON this topic, she’s always invited to speak on it. If the meeting ISN’T about the topic, she still speaks on it. Hell, she organises her whole life around this topic, and even the filing system at the place where she works is bloody well organised around – The Topic.
She’s an academic, which means she thinks progress has been made on The Topic if someone has written a Framework, or outlined the Principles, or published Guidelnes, or held a Forum. She likes the word ‘discourse’. She also likes to say things are ‘wonderful’ and ‘amazing’ – things like ninety year olds getting into yoga, or international resolutions on the right to a clean street signed up to by Guatemala and Nigeria. She is deeply into The Legend of Me, Myself, I.
I can’t see this woman without wanting to shoot her. I’m sorry. I just really, really hate her. For no very good reason (other than being stuck in a room with her boring on and on for half a day, on a couple of occasions). It reminds me of my dog, Coffee, who has this thing about a little curly-tailed pug that goes for a walk past our door twice a day. It’s a nice little dog. But Coffee just goes ballistic about it – clearly he’d like nothing better than to rip its harmless little ears off. ‘Enemy dog’, we call it.
Have you got anyone you feel like that about – who just brings out the mean bitch in you? Do tell.