Miss me?

I think that might be a quote from Jack Nicolson, or if not, some other creepy film guy.  Anyway it always makes me wriggle when a blogger seems to think that the absence of their regular post will cause readers to chew their nails to the quick. So I don’t.  But for anyone who’s interested, I haven’t posted for a while because my work is crazily demanding and my home life almost equally cluttered, mainly by Being in Love and Having Tiffs.  Writing’s taken a back seat but I think it might be time to invite it into the front again, especially now my passenger airbags aren’t operational (but that’s another story).

So at a loose end one day, I decided to start writing my own Relationship Advice Manual. It’s a bit piecemeal at the moment but I welcome additions from other experts in the field.

Does your love transcend time and space

Do your marriage vows cover intergalactic travel and last till the next Big Bang shall you part? Because if not, maybe you’re just not that committed.

Fight Fair, Fight Often

We all know that to maintain a successful relationship, the partners need to learn to fight fair. Yes they do – and not only that, but fight often. I recommend designating a weekly (or more) Fight Night, on which you can and must fight about anything you can think of at the time.

Does he love you more than the stars above?

How much DO you love the stars above? If you’re an astronomer, probably a fair bit. Maybe you should go out and take a look at the stars above, without which none of us would be here today. Appreciate them. Then go back in and appreciate your partner likewise, ie on your back in the dark.

Never Sleep on an Argument

When you have an argument, don’t sleep on it – stay awake and argue about it all night, then go to work in the morning feeling like shit. Spending the whole day brooding over your work computer will put you in just the right mood for a blissful reunion over Baileys Irish Cream when you get home.

What is the true meaning of ‘I love you river deep and mountain high’

How high? How deep?  I recommend that you and your partner jog up a local mountain – in my area, this will take you around an hour, as they’re really just large hills – to come to a better understanding of just how high your love really is.  After that, jump in a local creek. If it’s over your head, maybe that’s a good sign.

Yes, I know this blog has gone way downhill.  But not all the way, there’s still something for people to look forward to.


  1. That’s certainly the most interesting–and amusing–relationship advice I’ve read for a while. Can’t promise I’ll take it though. Especially the stay-up-all-night one. But I’ll get right on the jumping-in-a-creek one…

    Nice to see a post from you!

  2. I’ll have you know that my fingertips are bloody. I’ve been meaning to write a (an only partially facetious) blogpost about how it’s the destiny of all my “blogging buddies” to entertain me on a more regular basis. And, whatever the hell I was ingesting, when I read the line about appreciating your partner likewise, on your back in the dark, nearly came up all over my computer. Thanks for the advice and the chuckles.

  3. Welcome Back, Babe – you have been missed. Your partner must just love looking forward to your time together. Probably as he sees the liquor store in the rear-view.

  4. You mean, because of all the fights? No, they’re not alcohol fuelled – they’re about two weird over sensitive people trying to negotiate being in love. Anyway, I’ve re-christened him No Fights Till 26-12, and so far so good! Boxing Day will be a real treat!

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