The What Ifs and the Should Haves Will Eat Your Brain

Freewrite brains


What if I was a zombie?

What if I liked brains?

Why do zombies like brains?  Do they like some brains better than other brains?  My brain for instance, to a zombie it probably smells like a fine rich stew, full of mushy peas and tender toothsome chicken pieces and lentils swimming around in gravy, nourishing and delectable.  Your brain, well that’s probably more like a plate of cheese and crackers.

Whaddya mean by that, you say, in an irritated way.  Are you implying that my brain is a mere snack, junk food? while your brain – your precious MIND as you call it – is some kind of gourmet treat?

Well I say, trying to be reasonable – when you think about it, if you were a zombie and you wanted to take your zombie girlfriend out for an expensive meal, wouldn’t you be just a little picky?  I mean, say that person over there (pointing to random blog reader, yes you).  To a zombie, I bet their brain looks like a great big sloppy hamburger, with orange plastic cheese and mad-cow mince pattie and a piece of token lettuce covered in stale mustard.  Would YOU eat something like that?

Whereas my brain – my MIND, as I like to call it – is flavorsome and mysterious.  Who knows what subtle herbs, what fine wines, what rare and precious condiments, have been added by the goddess as she labours long over her hotpot in the kitchen of Life?  As she sniffs the delicious fragrance rising gently from the healthful broth that is to be….

What if I AM a zombie?  You’re getting me all excited!  Did I ever tell you I’ve got a thing for brains?

Oh shit.  Perhaps I should have said it tasted like day-old dog food in there.

Too late now!

With thanks to Kellie Elmore’s Free Write Friday xx.


  1. I’m thinking I’m glad I read this before I ate… But I have no doubt zombies would find your brain tasty. You’d be the sweet delicatessen they all craved. 🙂

  2. What a stew you brew, or is it what a brew you stew? Brains, eh. How can you tell just by looking at them? Wouldn’t one stick a finger in there like Little Jack Horner for a taste?
    Obnoxious thought but good reading. 😀

  3. I don’t know if you’re familiar with Free To Be You And Me. There’a bit on it called Ladies First, which makes the little girl as good a salesman as you are at selling yourself to zombies!

  4. My question is: How would anyone know what day-old dog food taste like? 😉

    I gotta tell ya, this was a good read. Loved how descriptive the foods sounded like. And I also enjoyed the brain parts too (even though I’m not a zombie)!

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