Seriously Pissed Off!!!!!!

When an author writes about murder, you have to assume that somewhere, somehow, she knows something about it.

Yesterday began as a really nice day.  Woke up, had cinnamon and brown sugar porridge, went back to bed with a cup of tea and a book.  Way to go.  But at approximately 900 hours, things began to go very wrong.

Little Gucci, my Pomeranian cross, has a habit of climbing out the cat door on my 2nd floor deck, and barking at magpies.  My neighbour lurks (constantly it seems) behind her window on a level with this deck, and every time Gucci barks at the magpies or the possums, the neighbour, who I’m going to call Ms Mad Cow, screeches out of her window.  Stuff like ‘Shut the F Up!’ and ‘If you don’t do something about that ffing dog I’m going to come out there and blah blah blah’.  So whenever Gooch finds her way out onto her favourite barking perch, everybody in my household races to go and grab her before Ms Mad Cow gets her groove on.  As a result, Gooch rarely gets to yap for more than 2 minutes before she’s picked up and bundled inside.

Over three years, Ms Cow has made my life (intermittently, I have to admit) a misery.  Her dog’s bitten my dog and cost me $250 in vet bills.  She insists that my dog bit her cat (‘because he’s the only dog in the neighborhood that would do such a thing’) and wants ME to pay her vet bills.  When I said that my dog had a cast-iron alibi (ie, he was locked in) she said we were all liars.  If Ms Cow has a problem with ANYTHING, she screeches and screams and says, well, you know, rude stuff.  I on the other hand have been very nice to Ms Cow.  When her other neighbours complained about the noise her dog made, so far from taking up their offer to join in, I offered to look after the lonely pup in the day time.  I only asked her to pay half the cost of the vet.  I’ve never said anything about her animals’ regular escapes, although she never fails to mention mine. I’ve never complained about the very loud and foul-mouthed spats she has with Mr Mad Cow.

So at 9am, Gooch goes and yaps on the deck.  I’m in the bog, so I get there two minutes later and take her in.  Next thing there’s an almighty banging at my door, like Ms Cow is trying to knock the house down (note to Ms Cow, you’re not the Big Bad Wolf).  At this point, I’m officially over it.  So I open the door and I let rip.  I swore.  I shouted.  I got in her face.  I told her if she ever did that again she’d ffing rue the day.  She trotted off and got her pathetic pussy-whipped partner.  I ripped into him too and he snuck off.  YES!

Ok none of that was very karmic.  What I did after that was even less karmic.  I sat down and I thought, how can I make this woman’s life a living hell?  I want this woman to creep out of her house like a mouse with a big ginger cat watching its hole.   I’ve been nice to her long enough.  I’ve said nothing when she’s sworn and yelled at me, I’ve met her every request.  But now – here comes EVIL Rose.  If I was cosy with some bikie gang, I would tip them the word.  If I was a sorceress, I would gladly use my dark arts to make her bones shrink and her eyeballs wither.  I do not CARE about this woman.  I would like her to die.  Really.

Of course, I won’t do any of these things.  What I will do is put the fear of god into her.  If she thinks she has a psycho neighbour who’ll go to the police, the fire brigade and the local Al Qaeda cell in pursuit of a quiet life, so much the better. Like most bullies, I think she’ll reconsider, now that she’s got some of her own medicine.  Anyway I think I’ve made serious progress with my anger issues.  I didn’t even cry.


  1. I think even “turn the other cheek” has limits on what is expected of good people.
    Just take down this post before whatever.

    You know, for the inquest after…

  2. Good on you Rose, you did what I wish I was able to do during my moments of total frustration (but am unable to do). Maybe I will try out your anger management technique on my boss, now that I have found out that I am once again about to be shoved into another team. Bring on Monday…

  3. You were way too kind too long. No way would I have looked after her dog. If she isolates her self by her horribleness, then she ought to be alone!

  4. Are you actively soliciting way to make her life a living hell? Because that would make for an interesting comment section!

      1. I think after the trayvon Martin judgement the scope of what is legal has broaden and worsened considerably!

      2. Good point. I’m going to start practising in front of the mirror ‘She was wearing a hoodie and walking in a threatening manner, your honour..’

  5. Oh this made me laugh so much! She does sound like such a horrible neighbour, good for you for putting up with her for so long and for standing up for yourself, I don’t think she’ll be back in a hurry!

  6. Good for you! But… also not good that you have to put up with that shite.

    I admit to complaining to a neighbour about her yappy thing who was barking *constantly* all day every day because she was shut outside and lonely; I then contacted the Dog Warden to get them to write to her. Not because I’m evil, but because it was the only way I could get her to take proper care of the poor thing! The dog is a lot quieter now, but I don’t think I’m very impressed with her yelling “Oy” at it rather than giving it the attention it’s craving.

    Ms Cow sounds like she’s completely off her rocker.

    1. Oh, if my yappy thing went on all day, I’d understand. But her barking tends to be short-lived and episodic – as in, 2 minutes here (before she’s grabbed), 2 minutes there, and rarely at night. I think the evening before Ms Cow’s outburst, Gooch had got herself stuck on the deck for a couple of hours, until I came home at 10pm and found her there. So she probably barked quite a lot. But that’s unusual – normally it’s very brief and we try to keep her in a lot of the time to prevent yapping attacks. Ms Cow is hardly the one to complain, though – her dog used to go on all day every day, poor thing, and the person who complained about that is now known as ‘that bitch’ (by Ms Cow).

  7. First of all, I was applauding your (what I call) kill-her-with-kindness approach. Then again, some people just don’t get it …. so good for you for going on a rage!

  8. Yep. Sometimes our niceness and patience just runs out and some a-hole will get a taste of their own medicine.

  9. Classic example of standing up to a bully. More often than not they’ll back down or show themselves for the real asses they are.

    1. So Ms M says. She reckons my next move should be calm (and hopefully really irritating) superiority. I think she likes Saint Mum and doesn’t want Satan Mum to get on a roll.

      1. Well, there you have it. Satan Mum apparently could serve a purpose in other areas of your life as well. Ms. M should be concerned. 🙂

  10. Good for you. How to get even? You can’t get even with people like that, they just keep coming back to annoy the hell out of you. Best thing to do is ignore her. She probably likes the attention you give her.

    1. I’d actually bet you’re right. She’ll be fuming away with her friends and partner ‘did you hear what that b’ch said to me!’ and eventually the fright will wear off and the aggression will return. But she’d better be careful. My next move involves landlords (she’s got one, I haven’t), police and the threat of lawyers (which she can’t afford).

  11. Oh dear Rose! I have SO been there! City apartments, with THIN walls and teeny-bopper, 20 year olds playing music. OH, I’ve gotten into it. But, for now, the world is calm in that respect.

    I must applaud your enthusiasm to tell Ms. Mad Cow to go f*ck herself, etc. Good for you! Pushing back now and again feels really “right”. 🙂

  12. yeah it did feel right. But now I have to stop myself replaying it with variations (all the things I would’ve liked to have said but didn’t quite have time for, insults mainly regarding her butt size and his sexual capacity). PRESS PAUSE. That stuff is not healthy!

  13. This neighbor sounds unreasonable verging on insane. I fully support your decision to give her a taste of her own medicine. I only wish I had a good idea for you. You should google ‘best pranks that won’t land you in jail’

  14. I’ve often wondered why these kinds of things happen. I had downstairs neighbors that owned a dog that would howl all day long when it’s owners would leave their apartment. Because I work at home I would have to listen to it, which after a while would just get unbearable. I’d leave my apartment just to get away from it. When I finally confronted my neighbor trying very hard to keep my cool I found out he and his family had lost everything they had, their home, his business, and most of their possessions when the economy started to fail in the states. My anger changed from boiling to compassion when I finally understood what was going on. Ms Mad Cow may just be b_tch or she may just have some deep rooted pain which she expresses in a unkind way, who knows. Just food for thought.

    1. Ms Mad Cow does have deep pain. She has MS. I can’t bring myself to be sorry (but that’s the kind of awful person I am). I have good instincts about people, and my instinct about Candice is that she is a bully, a liar, a manipulator and deeply spoilt. The MS is rotten luck, but we all have our crosses to bear, and we’re not all as nasty as she is. The fact that I didn’t complain about her dog is testament to that fact. Still, I think it was lovely of you to see your neighbour as a person with troubles rather than being angry with them. I started off doing the same with Candice, offering her help and so on, but it has backfired. Sometimes psychopaths are just psychopaths.


  15. I would get a restraining order on her and her husband. You have enough reason. Most people, normal people, will balk at being faced with something tangible and legal. It doesn’t cost much and may settle the need in you to do SOMETHING.
    This situation can easily escalate. She does sound off her rocker. And bullying everyone she can. But don’t get into a feud with her. It will just cost you your sanity too. She has threatened you many times. Just yelling about what she is going to do to your dog is a threat. A violent one. You do need a lawyer for a restraining order. And it will give you a legal reason to keep her away from your family. Then when she violates it you call the police. It will all be on record from the first time you file the order. She sounds mental. People like that don’t change. So protect yourself. And don’t engage with her. That just brings you down to her level. I know it felt empowering to rip into her finally. But with people like that it’s scary. Because they are just unreasonable. Whatever you do stay safe. Hugs. (I run a site with over 2000 domestic abuse survivors….this is a typical scenario. Yes I know she is not your partner. But she is vested in this unreasonable way she is acting)

      1. Don’t you? I’ve never got one, so I don’t know. I guess you go to the police. Anyway, my fabulous luck held – she moved out. I’m probably trotted out as a dinner time story ‘the horrific neighbour with the dogs that drove her crazy’ now, wherever she is.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s