Are men really that gross?

To put this question in context, my (nearly 16) year old beauty-queen daughter thinks she knows everything there is to know about men.  Apparently, if you pretend to be a male gamer on a multiplayer site, you learn quite a lot about…things.  You can imagine.  Nerds. Hormones. Too much time on their.  Hands.

Men are SHALLOW.

They’re like, I’d never date a girl who looked like THAT.  No way would I ever tap a woman with an arse THAT size.  Blah blah. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, another Eligible Bachelor scratches his paunch and sniffs his armpit to drown out the last fart he let off.

And so Ms M’s like, “Maybe I’m not beautiful enough for any guy to ever date? Or..maybe they’ll date me even though I’m not goodlooking because they just want sex! Hell (she didn’t actually say that) I don’t WANT to date anyone!”

But is she right?

I say, “Honey,” (well I would if I called her that, actually I call her Ms Pinkerton Smith, for some reason) “that’s not typical.  Men are just like you and me. Some of them are nice. I’ve been studying Men for 40 years and you know, lots of them are really more into romance than sex.  Why, I remember the time when a guy walked out on me with a big sulk just because I said I was just in it for the bonking!”

But am I right?

So many men. So many nude 12 year olds. So many movies about teddy bears with odd predilections, and violated cold roast turkeys, and scooped out vegetables not even your depression era Grandmother would want to put in her stew.

Are men indiscriminate, shallow beasts who only care about one thing? Or are they not? Or both? I’ve got to admit, I don’t really get men.  Unless they’re like me, in which case it’s ok not to get them.

Anyway, have a look at these men in labour on Thought Catalog! SO funny! (cackle, cackle…). Even THEY laugh. Bless them. Men!

Oh and by the way, on Monday I did my first ever Guest Post, on From the Bootheel Cotton Patch (So many books, so little time).  Would you like Les Miserables to be a touch less miserable? Well, I would.  Check it out. Happy endings for all (and they’re free)!!



  1. Why do women need to marry men? How long can the sex be good? I suppose you get used to a certain “sameness” of someone: That’s reassuring. I certainly love Don, but he is my best friend. No one told me that men were really hot commodities, really. There ARE a lot of good looking ones to drool over. But I’m sure they all fart, want bj’s and try to avoid commitments if possible. Just a few happy thoughts from your favorite pessimist. 🙂

    1. I don’t know. Why do we? Do we? I think if I could ensure a steady supply of reasonably attractive men, right up into my 90s, say, I probably wouldn’t bother trying to hang on to just one. To my mind, wanting one man is by way of insurance – you sort of want him there in the cupboard, for good times and home help, and you don’t want to have to go running off to the shop when you’re horny. I guess men must feel the same.


      1. Bummer. I’d like to be the apple of a guy’s eye. See, that’s why dogs rule (in my world). Thee pretty much worship their Dog mamas.

        Marriage? Men? I think Don’s a good one. His interests and expectations meet mine. We travel, etc. So it’s good.

      2. well but I guess you ARE the apple of his eye. I was the apple of Demon Ex’s eye – it was just that his damn eye went rolling all over the place when it wasn’t on me.


      3. How long did you date the demon? It sounds like you really (almost?) loved him?

        Insecurity in men usually has eye-roving included. WHY? … they need to have adoration from lots of women … i suppose. I haven’t figured out the “unfairer” sex.

      4. 4 years and I was crazy about him. All done now though – he’s fallen to the status of an example. Yeah, the roving eye thing really annoys me. If anything, I’d rather just not know about it.

      5. You mean he confessed lookin’ around? Well, glad you learned something from the 4-year experiment. Men!!!!

    1. Pff, totally! My first was 12 hours and THEN a caesarian. Best of both worlds, ha ha. And yes, they do seem to be immature. Although my most recent ex was/is a pattern of honour and maturity.

  2. I understand what is being expressed here. The reality though is since the beginning of time when it has come to a woman men have sought beauty and health. It can be quite erroneous to state that,”men are shallow.” In all honesty who would not want a healthy partner or at least a somewhat attractive partner to procreate with. While granted, features, height, skin color or genetic diseases are really out of our control, the decision or aim, to at least make better decisions in life and health arebecomes ours, should be ourour focus. ForFor both male and female. What becomes stupidity is when the bad apples of the tree want to be made into a delicious pie with the good apples of the tree. It will never happen.

    1. I think women generally like a bit of beauty and health too. But we do all see beauty in different things. For instance, despite being nowhere near beautiful, I’ve never had trouble attracting men (charm, wit, kindness, bodyshape!) and my observation is that attraction doesn’t boil down to anything simple. You sometimes see beautiful men besotted with supposedly ugly women, and vice versa.

      1. I agree. Out ward beauty is definitely in the eyes of the beholder. The very reason why I believe beauty must be first from within. While some attraction is necessary, the attraction of the soul is what will hold everything in the end. For the bodies beauty is temporal and outside of our control.

  3. I was a punk in school. You couldn’t tell me this of course cause I was part of the ‘cool crowd’. Now I see how shallow I was. But you are right, there are all different kinds of men and boys. All have different goals and agendas. The trick is finding and matching up with one that’s the same as yours. And hopefully you click… or bonk. or not.

  4. I LOVE your new site look. Well, I’m not sure how long it’s been like this, but new to me 🙂

    Your poor daughter. I love the way you expressed this though, & oh I can sooooo imagine the conversations.

    For me, I went through a time I achingly “needed” man touch, then all the disarray, then realised how much power I gave them, energy, tolerance, and presently I’m doing fine without.

    Natural as an ape & his apess, I’d like a partner but you know, I no longer “die” without a man. Hope your daughter survives OK.

    1. Thanks! The background is Mels painting – it’s lovely. Yeah, poor old Ms M. She obsesses about her looks, which in reality are lovely. I feel as you do about men – I’d like someone to cuddle up with but I’m fine without too. But for her, she could do with an adoring male (and he’d better be adoring, otherwise I’ll come round to his place with a brickbat).


    1. In my defence, it’s not me who thinks men are awful (at least, not mostly). It’s my teenage daughter, who suffers from quite severe social anxiety. I’m the one trying to convince her that the hairy sexist nerd is not the norm.

      1. I would, if I could only understand how to work photoshop! I reckon I’d look almost as lovely as Oily George, in a red wig!


      2. Yeah I agree. I put a picture of him in the ‘ideal partner’ section of every internet dating site i register on – sadly, no one even comes close!


    1. I think both women and men fall for douchebags, it’s in the nature of love to be blind at times. But as I said above, I think men aren’t that different from women – it’s Ms M who is worried that she might not be acceptable in the world of romance because she’s not (so she thinks) a perfect ten. I try to convince her otherwise.

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