Karaoke – the new Karma!

Yes, back from writing the novel of the century, I mean the millennium (well it’s almost there) – and with a NEW hobby around which to craft my superbly structured, faultlessly spelt (or is it spelled) and effortlessly sophisticated posts.

Yes, it’s karaoke!

I lie.  No, this year, I’m going to do one thing a month which is WAY out of my comfort zone, and karaoke is just the unpleasant foretaste.

Karaoke seems to be something that you do if you’re a) drunk or b) think you could have been a star but aren’t.  I couldn’t have been a star, ever, because I really hate being on any kind of stage, or even looked at properly, in daylight.  But I now know that I CAN do karaoke.

How do I know this? Because I went with a group of almost-total strangers to a nearby pub and stood on a stage and sang ‘Summer Lovin’, studiously avoiding the eyes of the crowd (three pissed plumbers) and casting nervous glances at the King of Karaoke, who’d agreed to sing with me, at serious peril of his reputation.

“Can you sing?” he said, suspiciously. This is a guy whose religion is karaoke, whose vocation is almost-famous, whose voice is (according to him) legendary.

“Oh well, you know, I’m not too bad…”  I muttered.

I was crap.  I forgot to sing the green bits which we were BOTH supposed to sing (as opposed to the pink girly bits for me and the blue boy bits for him) .  I didn’t realise you had to practically eat the microphone.  I forgot how the tune went, in certain crucial bits.  Oh and I couldn’t hold my ooooohs.

But at least I didn’t make much noise.  The King of Karaoke, released from the embarrassment of singing with me, did a bellowing rendition of Elton’s This is Your Song, making up in volume for what he lost in tonal accuracy.  A thin girl screeched through Kelly Clarkson’s Mr Know it All,  ‘You don’t know me at all babeeeeee’, with no consideration for the tune whatsoever but lots of conviction.  You got the impression she had someone in mind.  A sweet looking hipster sang something by the Chili Peppers, which didn’t have a tune to begin with so that was ok.

But THEN I could go home and proudly announce to a waiting Ms M that I’d now DONE karaoke.  Nobody’ll ever be able to say ‘oh you should try it, it’s GREAT!’  Cause now I know it’s horrible, I’m crap at it and I hate it.

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39 comments

    • well no, actually – I normally don’t drink but I thought half a glass of cider was called for on this occasion. Dunno if it helped – suppose I didn’t faint with fright, that’s something.

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  1. Hahaha…. Something I’ve never done, Rose, is karaoke…! Good for you, though. 😉 That’s a ‘feather in your cap’, or something…. 😉
    I have been in two ‘talent quests’ though…. Yep, once when I was 18, and another when I was 45… I know, strange the number of years in-between. As they say: Long time between drinks..!

    • That was brave! So did you win – I mean, did your talents go recognised? And what are they? apart from your blog, which is definitely very talented!

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      • I came second in the first one to an aboriginal guy with an incredible voice who sang “Danny Boy”… not a dry eye in the whole place…. I won a bottle of Champy though…
        The second one when I was 45 was a no-brainer… There were 10 of us. They were all under 25 with bodies to match and voices like angels… The audience didn’t throw anything at me… so I won.. 😉
        They were great experiences; I am a born actress; to be sure… 😉
        BTW: It’s good to see you; you have been missed… 🙂

      • thanks carolyn, I’ve missed you too. I’m a sort of closet actress. I act a lot in my intimate circles, as does Ms M and most of my siblings (but not Mr F) – but I die at the sight of a spotlight.

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  2. Yay!!! You’re back! I love your “Blog Concept” for 2013, Rose, and can hardly wait to find out what other challenges you plan to face. I’ve been known to appear on stage as a Spice Girl, as a Dream Girl, and as a Virtual Girl – always singing and dancing badly, but to good comic effect. But Karaoke scares the hell out of me. Good for you!

    • Ditto! I think it’d take way more guts to try to make people laugh than to sing. Every time I’ve given a presentation and said something I thought was kinda funny, there was dead silence…

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  3. Great post! I loved that you got up on stage and sang karaoke – I could.not.do.it. (I wish I could have been there to applaud you!) That really takes alot of guts to do!
    I went to a karaoke bar once (many years ago) and the guys challenged us girls to do it (we said they had to go First – suckers) they sang a Guns N Roses song…Goodness they stunk…me and my girlfriend went down in front of the stage and sat arm n arm swaying back n forth and flicking our lighters for them…ohh what a night…I even own a karaoke machine, but I have to keep it hid because if my best friend sees it she gets on it and sings Janice Joplin’s Me and Bobby Mcgee…every.time.

    • that’s so funny! I thought about owning a karaoke machine..but what’s the point without the public shame and humiliation! Still, I think you shoulda got up, to be fair! mind you I did have a wingman, sort of. I think he was totally disgusted with me though.

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  4. Oh Dear me! Where to begin? How about this: the Three Pissed Plumbers: Are they an Aussie Singing Broup like the various versions of tenors we get over here: the Three Irish/Texan/Soup-swigging Tenors?

  5. That’s a brave thing you did. I’m part of a club of not especially good guitar players and every now and them we have a theme day – last one was Ray Charles day, next one will be Dusty Springfield day, where everyone is expected to get up and perform a number by the featured artist, singing to the accompaniment of their fellow players. That’s pretty nerve-wracking. I met my current girlfriend on Merle Haggard day.

  6. Fantastic!
    I once got roaring drunk and did La Bamaba at Karaoke.
    With four Mexican guys.
    In Spanish.

    Yours couldn’t possibly have gone as bad.

    Looking forward to your next adventure!

  7. Someone told me once that the whole point of karaoke was to be bad at it (in which case, I’m really good :)) I’ve tried it a couple times. The first time, I freaked out when I heard how loud my voice was over the microphone and just stopped singing. Everyone was staring at me – including a guy I’d dated for a while a few years prior who happened to be there that night. Next time, I did it with a group…that’s the way to do it!

  8. That’s pretty much how I imagine me doing karaoke would be, just ten times worse. 😉 Love that you’re getting out of your comfort zone and putting yourself in the limelight. Congrats!

  9. Karaoke is fun, IF you’re with a crowd of your friends, so that you have built-in “well wishers”, IF you’re a bit drunk, IF you choose a song that you know really really well and have the range for, etc. Group songs ALWAYS suck unless it’s people that have sung together before and sung well together before.

  10. Oh man. This reminds me of the time my brother and I invited ourselves onto the Karaoke death throne, thinking “Bohemian Rhapsody” was appropriate sing-along material. Several ice-glares later, we learned our lesson, and some older gentleman turned those glares into glimmers with a never-ending “Impossible Dream.”
    At least you didn’t rush up there like school children (like we did).
    You were invited up there. That counts for something, right? 😛

    • Nope, it doesn’t. I wasn’t invited, I just decided to, on the grounds that I ought to do this horrible thing once in my lifetime. But yeah, I am glad I didn’t choose Bohemian Rhapsody – you’d need about ten people for that to be truly anonymous.

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