All I know about men and relationships, I learned from mum.
How to decide if he’s the one, for instance.
Mum was engaged twice before she hooked up with Dad. The first guy gave her a diamond ring and they went out for almost a year, but then…”he came home with me one evening, and we were sitting having tea, and it might have been something he said, or, I don’t know, but I just thought to myself, I don’t really like you. So I gave him his ring back, and that was it!”
I have to say that this thought occurred to me many times in my last but one relationship. If only I’d acted on it so decisively!
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
Diamond Ring Guy didn’t just give up. He followed mum round, declaring she was the most beautiful woman in Newcastle and his only love. On some days. On other days, “he’d say completely different sorts of things – I won’t repeat them, dear!”. One day as she was walking down on the beach with a friend, along comes Mr Ring, and he’s apparently at a loss for words, so he says,
“You’ve got the hairiest legs I’ve ever seen on a woman!”
“So what did YOU say?” I ask gentle little mum. “Oh, nothing! I just laughed! Because..(well, you know).
“There’s always more fish in the sea!”
Hairy legs or no, mum had oodles of boys hanging about. Anyway in those days, just about nobody shaved their legs or for that matter anything else (I know where I’m going when the time machine’s invented) – that’s why my first razor was a source of major contention (“I don’t see anything wrong with your legs! Just because all the other girls are silly…”).
Let THEM do the leg work.
Mum could have written The Rules. Let him chase you. Don’t let him think you’re too interested! It’s a man’s job to run around after you. If he doesn’t, well there’s plenty of fish in the..you get the picture.
If you sleep with him he’ll think you’re easy!
Mum, now you’ve passed on, perhaps I can finally break it to you. I AM easy.
And not least – a woman should always have secrets. You might be married to someone, you might be in love with them – but don’t tell them everything. Always hold something back.
Was she right?