Rose’s Reviews: Should you Keep Score?

Have you ever thought, I’ve had enough of being a romantic idiot! THIS time, I’m gonna use my brain.  THIS time, I’m going to be sensible.

I have.  I always used to think that love mattered more than anything.  That’s what I told myself when I had doubts about my first marriage (he may be as much fun to be around as shingles,’s love).  That’s what I told myself about the uber-macho drug addict I fell in love with next.  And THAT’s what I told myself when deciding whether to go back to the cheating liar who came after him.  Well…

As you can see, Marc Brackett’s cup of love is overflowing – he must know SOMETHING!



Keeping Score, a Guide to Love and Relationships, by Marc Brackett, could cure me of all that (not saying it will, but it could).  They say that Love never keeps score..but of course it does.  Lose too many test matches and you’re strongly tempted to throw down the bat, kick the balls, and go home.

The premise of this book is that you should look at what matters to you in your relationship and decide if you can fix it or whether you should get a refund.  What matters is different depending on whether you’re a chick or a bloke, but the main message is kind of empowering.  Love, says Marc,is a personal choice.  I LIKE that idea!

‘Have you ever wondered how it is possible to launch rockets from Earth and have them land on Mars exactly on time years later?’ Not with ‘love’, anyway. ‘Rockets,’ says Marc, ‘are not launched using hunches or feelings’.

I can quibble with the details – for instance, as a woman, I’ve felt the thrill of holding the hand of a man who’s got money and status, but really, I’d be very happy to support a house husband (with modest wants).  I LIKE presents but don’t expect a constant flow of diamond rings.  And, is the size of your arse really such a key facet of your relationship, from a man’s point of view? But – I personally think it’s time to put rationality ahead of romance.

This line particularly got to me:

‘There are things in life that cannot be undone or forgotten and just have to be lived with. When a relationship ends, the reality is that personal connections are often too deep to completely sever, particularly when children are involved.’

So, think carefully.  It’s the little pieces of wisdom (like this) that I really liked about the book.  Although, sorry, I’m FAR too lazy to do the proper scoring which Marc has kindly provided.

Anyway, now I’m going to follow El Guapo’s lead (though I don’t have his inimitable style)and see what YOU think .

Ps: if you’ve written a book and you’d like me to review it, I’ll be very happy to! More books to read for ME!!!


  1. Love is choice, love is responsibility… Romance really can’t sustain a relationship as much as responsibility will. Every wink and warm hand has a potential to trigger admiration. Every cuddle and caress can stimulate sweet sensations but even though these are enjoyable, they cannot keep a home. Lovely post! 🙂

  2. What the heck, you want me to actually make a choice? None of my previous attempts or methods have worked to date, well not in the long term… So I’d be happy to be with someone who I like a lot, who I get on with, who’s great to cuddle up to and talk to. I think the trouble with ‘chemistry’ is that it wears off, the drug gradually and sometimes rapidily, looses its potency. So I’m all for rationality, for being with someone who its comfortable to be with… Just as long as they don’t have too big an arse… 🙂

    1. Well but you’re allowed to take it when you’re in a relationship, in fact I think you’re supposed to. On the other hand, sometimes it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie. Especially happily sleeping dogs.


  3. I think woman have a tendency to overlook too much for “love.” It’s important to keep track of what someone does and doesn’t do, it separates one-time events from patterns of behavior. The most important thing is to respect yourself.

  4. At the moment I’m in a dating funk. I can barely summon up the energy to meet a man, let alone be all cheerful and interested in him when we sit down for coffee. That said, I am trying to be rational… I like the idea of locking eyes though. That could work for me!

    1. I feel a bit like that too. Dating funk, I mean. I’ve never done the locking eyes thing, mainly because I don’t notice when people look at me, and anyway, I have to know what a man is like before I start to get interested in him.


  5. We are all so different… What suits me won’t suit someone else..
    I need a little romance; I like to be made to feel womanly… call me easy..!
    I’ve made this comment before on your blog, Rose… somewhere.!
    My current man (the third SO) is a little bit romantic, and I up that ante by keeping myself as ‘perky’ as poss…. Now, don’t think this is a bother for me; no, it keeps me aware to look my best; to be interesting; to be interested; to keep all things as ‘smooth’ as possible. I don’t mean to say that I don’t have an opinion, or that I don’t ‘jump down his little throat’ when he needs it (he is also very opinionated and can try to be bossy) – hah, as if…! 😉
    Being the third SO means I’ve been there and I’ve done that. I don’t want to do that anymore. If that means pulling my head in when ‘it’s not worth the battle’, then that’s what I do. If it means understanding his viewpoint, and not offering mine, that’s what I do. Yes, failed relationships have made me more aware of the pitfalls, and how to avoid them.
    Perfection doesn’t exist; it doesn’t exist within me, so how can I expect it within my SO…. Btw; sounds like a good book..!

    1. It’s not bad. If you read it, you can see how you might evaluate your relationship and make it better (even better, maybe, in your case). Without aiming for perfect, which is apt to blow the whole thing. I’m not sure I’d apply it to any of my relationships, they’ve all been based on much higher considerations (like post-coital satisfaction). All power to you if you’ve learnt something – I don’t think I have. From life, I mean!


      1. You probably won’t know until you’re put in the pressure cooker! You may suddenly find yourself thinking, as I did, I know where that will lead and I’m not going there again.! So yes, there’s certainly, or was/is for me, a much greater rationale attached to this relationship…. Sort of based on us (the relationship) rather than on me (or him).

  6. In retrospect we often find we have fallen for the characteristics we recognise, even if subliminally, rather than the character we need to forge a succesful life together. Love is best built by viewing people inside out, rather than for the way they dress or buy drinks I suspect.

    1. I agree – but then it ought to be easier on line (well not easier, but better). So one should avoid meeting the person for as long as possible so you don’t judge the cover (including smell, drinks pouring style, that kind of thing). You could be right!


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