One day, Mum and I were sitting in her lounge room, having a cup of tea, and my dog Coffee went and put his head in mum’s lap. They liked each other, Mum and Coffee. Mum liked him because he doesn’t pester or fuss, just sits down politely and waits for everyone to be finished (well, not always, but mostly). And Coffee liked mum because he has superb taste in people.
Anyway Mum pats Coffee and says,
You know, it’s not really fair on dogs, is it, to take away their sex life. I mean, isn’t it sad to think that Coffee’ll never get to have sex, seeing as he’s been ‘done’…and its such an important part of life, isn’t it!
Well, she’s right. Of course, if Coffee was still a complete boy, he’d be running around looking for company, probably jumping fences and crossing roads and getting into fights and all sorts of unsavoury and unsafe activities. And he’d probably be marking his territory. My house.
On the other hand, when we used to snip humans (a routine procedure in the East for thousands of years, and in the West not so common, but used by the Catholic church for centuries to produce men with lovely high singing voices for church choirs) – maybe a typical conversation would have gone like this –
Sultan: You know, Grand Vizier, it sometimes seems to me that it’s a bit unfair to cut men’s balls off so they can guard my harem. I mean, I enjoy sex so much (well, 500 nubile slave women does keep one busy at night) – but young Balthazar there, my eunuch..he’ll NEVER get to have sex. It just doesn’t seem right..
Grand Vizier: Very true, very true. And yet, Oh Great One, think of the trouble young Balthazar would probably get himself into if he still HAD those balls. Fornicating with married women, getting into fights with other young men, driving fast chariots, drinking the forbidden drink to excess, and playing stupid games like ‘Let’s see who can scull a bottle of meths in less than 30 seconds standing on the railing of the tenth floor balcony at the Sydney Hilton and then dive into the babies pool’.
Sultan: You’re right, Vizier..a silly idea. Really we’ve done Balthazar a favour, I can see that now..