Stories of mum..

One day, Mum and I were sitting in her lounge room, having a cup of tea, and my dog Coffee went and put his head in mum’s lap.  They liked each other, Mum and Coffee.  Mum liked him because he doesn’t pester or fuss, just sits down politely and waits for everyone to be finished (well, not always, but mostly).  And Coffee liked mum because he has superb taste in people.

Anyway Mum pats Coffee and says,

You know, it’s not really fair on dogs, is it, to take away their sex life.  I mean, isn’t it sad to think that Coffee’ll never get to have sex, seeing as he’s been ‘done’…and its such an important part of life, isn’t it!

Well, she’s right. Of course, if Coffee was still a complete boy, he’d be running around looking for company, probably jumping fences and crossing roads and getting into fights and all sorts of unsavoury and unsafe activities.  And he’d probably be marking his territory. My house.

On the other hand, when we used to snip humans (a routine procedure in the East for thousands of years, and in the West not so common, but used by the Catholic church for centuries to produce men with lovely high singing voices for church choirs) – maybe a typical conversation would have gone like this –

Sultan: You know, Grand Vizier, it sometimes seems to me that it’s a bit unfair to cut men’s balls off so they can guard my harem.  I mean, I enjoy sex so much (well, 500 nubile slave women does keep one busy at night) – but young Balthazar there, my eunuch..he’ll NEVER get to have sex. It just doesn’t seem right..

Grand Vizier: Very true, very true. And yet, Oh Great One, think of the trouble young Balthazar would probably get himself into if he still HAD those balls.  Fornicating with married women, getting into fights with other young men, driving fast chariots, drinking the forbidden drink to excess, and playing stupid games like ‘Let’s see who can scull a bottle of meths in less than 30 seconds standing on the railing of the tenth floor balcony at the Sydney Hilton and then dive into the babies pool’.

Sultan: You’re right, Vizier..a silly idea.  Really we’ve done Balthazar a favour, I can see that now..

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About turnipsforbreakfast

Rose has two blogs, www.butimbeautiful.wordpress.com, and www.turnipsforbreakfast.wordpress.com. Enjoy!
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33 Responses to Stories of mum..

  1. Jueseppi B. says:

    U have a wonderful sense of humor, I wish I had known your Mum. And you are very beautiful & sexy. Enjoy you week.

  2. iamnotshe says:

    I’m guessing your mum would have a chuckle over the story of joys of no sex! ?

    • Yep! My mum really loved sex, she was always at it with my dad (behind closed doors, obviously, but she never made any secret of how important she thought it was in life, when we were adults).

  3. El Guapo says:

    Thank you. The Vizier’s conversation was very disturbing.
    Blech.

  4. Thank you for the great laugh! I like the sound of your mum, reflecting on your dog’s sex life like that! I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree… And that is a lovely photograph of you!

  5. Too funny and a great morning laugh. I would never have thought it worrying when I fixed my cats during the past 30 years. I’ve been thinking about getting a new kitten again (maybe) but now I’m in a quandry. Should I or shouldn’t I…get it fixed?

    • Well, I would, despite what mum says. Either that or don’t get it. They spray all over the place if not, and are very aggressive (just like their human equivalent). The price animals pay for being our pets!

  6. But then he would be stressed out from all the puppy support he would be having to pay to all those bitches.

  7. Seb says:

    500 Nubile slave girls? Geez, 499 problems and a bitch ain’t one 🙂

  8. whiteladyinthehood says:

    Your post made me smile and chuckle. (LOVE the picture!)

  9. Uhm… a few thoughts here. First, I’m very sorry for your loss of your mother. It’s so unfortunate that loss and grief are an inevitable part of all our lives, and I hope that your grief is lessened with the passing of time, and that eventually fond memories of your Mum come to you more often than the pain of her loss.

    Rose, you look great in your photo here, and I’m always happy when my blogging buddies are comfortable with posting their photos. You’re an attractive woman.

    Can’t say very much positive about the thought of castration, since I’m very biased on the subject, although I still can appreciate the humor in your post, even if it makes me wince a little bit, while I’m smiling. Lol

  10. Carrie Rubin says:

    Is that a photo of you? If so, carrying over the theme from my own post today, I’d say you are beautiful AND photogenic.

  11. Interesting thought process your mom had. The imagined conversation and analysis are funny (and maybe true).

  12. My Sweetie looks a lot like Coffee… only she has longer hair and a more feminine face… 🙂

    I understand your mum’s view… Sweetie was desexed in her first year. She hasn’t known a fella! I often talk about the fact that she has ‘missed out’… Oh well; that’s a puppy dog’s life, I guess.

    Sorry about your mum. She sounds like she would have been fun…!

    • Sweetie – what a nice name for a dog! Yeah it is a bit of a raw deal..but as you say, that’s a dog’s life. And thanks for the thought – my mum was fun at times, yes.

  13. Capt. Savage says:

    I feel for dogs and eunuchs, I couldn’t imagine life without my balls. But I agree, thats a lovely photo of you and coffee, you truly are a beautiful rose, Rose!!! And I only wish my mother had such an open mind about sex, that’s the one thing my parents never discussed with me, but I did my own research, an interesting area even now, thank god I’m not a eunuch, 🙂

  14. Hilarious post, Rose. Never saw my parents hug or kiss or even hold hands, unless he was helping her down a stairs or something. I would rather have it the other way, with embarrassing public displays of affection (PDA). But we are what we are, right?

    • Mine didn’t do public displays of affection much either. But somehow you were given to understand, especially once we’d grown up and by mum, that dad and her were pretty hot together.

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