How to Serve a Blowfly Best


Some time ago – when I still worked in the Office of the Living Dead – it so happened that it was someone at work’s birthday, so we had a morning tea.  Bossy Boots had cooked a cake (what – a successful budding executive, near-Olympic kayaking champion, all-round athletic golden girl AND she can find time to bake cakes!!) and we all sat down to enjoy a girlish gossip. Which would have been entirely girlish if BB had not also invited the office heart-throb, a dark-eyed, oily-grinned young man of stunning tediousness.

In any case – goes on grumpy Rose – the whole conversation consisted of meat. How Bossy Boots likes her meat (practically raw, and three times a day). How, as outback girls, several women had been forbidden to name lambs, calves etc lest there be tears when they ended up on the plate at dinnertime. How somebody had eaten chicken feet with gusto, and somebody else, dogs testicles. How delicious witchetty-grubs are, and frogs legs, and pork sausages stuffed with prawns.  How somebody had paid $500 to eat roast lamb in Paris, where apparently they mostly eat goat stew.

The only thing wrong with this meaty extravaganza is this – I’m mostly vego and fonder of animals alive and mooing  than dead and oozing gore. Since Mr F is a carnivore, we eat dead animal once a week, but I always make sure it’s had a life before it had a death (and baby animals are off the menu).

So I’m sitting there trying not to puke and thinking ‘it’ll all be over soon’ – but as usual I can’t quite bite that tactless tongue of mine so I say, sweetly,

“Has anyone tried blowfly? They’re big and fat and there’s lots of them – very eco-friendly.”

My director thinks I’m serious. No, she says, they’re a bit unhygienic. Ms Bossy Boots gets it though. ‘There’s not much meat on them,” she says reflectively, ‘otherwise perhaps I would’.

I wouldn’t have minded if she ate blowflies. I guess I’m not a very GOOD vegetarian. Or person.


  1. Oily grinned… stunning tediousness.. how quotable you are! 🙂
    I once at chicken feet in a Chinese restaurant – it was yum cha with my son, because he loves that stuff, and I didn’t realise I had ordered chicken’s feet & I said “These look like chicken feet” and my son said “That’s because they are” and I stared at him, mouth open and asked if he was sure, and he said to look at the bill on our table, it was sure. I was FOULED…..

    But as for dogs’ testicles. I swear to God, anyone willing to eat dog’s testicles should be served (already dead, rotting) cats’ penises and told they’re Penne (pasta) and their boyfriend’s pimples & told they are the oil glands of volatile fish, and bulls’ farts & told they are the aroma of the core of the beast, WITH blowflies
    and filmed,
    and ridiculed.

    This is just GROSS.

    But I enjoyed it, thanks…

    Mind you, I shouldn’t pretend (by image) I am a vegetarian, because I am not, but I don’t eat meat daily, sure as hell not 3xdaily. My son eats meat every night & I have not the knowledge how to effectively get around that (by good recipes), and I totally agree the animal need have a life before its inevitable death.

    There was a horrendous story recently of abattoir workers here in Australia beating pigs with a steel pole, just for the fun of beating them senseless before their death. But you’ve got to understand that, if you pause – I mean, you know, it has all the fun and fascination of beating a toddler to death, grinding them, and serving them with spaghetti,


    1. Well, maybe not quite THAT fun…I can’t understand why anyone likes killing anything, or hunting it or hurting it. It’s mostly a male thing, I think. I can see that it has its uses – or at least, had.

  2. I has been over 20 years since I ate red meat. As a result, I have no idea what your picture is a photograph of. All I see is scorched muscle tissue. Yummy. I do eat chicken, turkey, and seafood, but then again, I don’t like birds much, so I feel no guilt. Plus, anything that would decide to live in the filthy ocean deserves its fate, I say.

  3. What a nightmare for a vegetarian (or almost vegetarian). I’m not a red-meat eater, and I could see myself giving up meat all together, but it’s easier to plan meals for my boys using some meat. Guess I’m a little lazy that way. 🙂

    1. Oh well, in practice we have to mix it up a bit. But I wouldn’t care if another cow never crossed my lips. Have to wait till Mr F leaves home, I guess, to implement the full vego thing.

  4. You are so funny, Rose! I’m a meat eater, and have probably participated in equally tactless lunch room conversations, so you won’t get any vegan indignation from this camp. You will, however, get a standing ovation for your humour! I love the moment when Golden Girl says reflectively, “There’s not much meat on them.” What a great way to start the day! (Now I’m going to cook some bacon…)

  5. This reminds me of a game from my childhood that my friends and I used to play called “Gross Out!” in which we’d try to continue eating our school lunches, while taking about eating incredibly vile and disgusting things. Last one still able to continue eating was the winner.

    What you describe here sounds very similar, except the game is being played by adults. Lol

  6. I don’t eat red meat but it doesn’t bother me to look at it. I don’t pay attention to what others do when they eat it. 😉

  7. I’m a carnivore – obviously! But the biped that helps me with my typing is a vegetarian – she doesn’t mind other people eating meat and hardly ever talks about being a vegetarian. But she says that wedding receptions are usually like your experience in the office once someone notices that she has a vegetarian meal.

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