Your Seven Lives?

Apparently I forgot the Rule that says that when you accept an award, you have to tell people seven random things about yourself.  But, bugger the Rules, I’m going to take up an idea of Vinnylanni’s (Two Lives to Live), and list what I’d do if I had Seven Lives, instead.

1. I’d sleep with every man I ever fancied, in fact I’d be the biggest tramp the world has ever seen. I’d probably kit my room out in red velvet and mirrors.


2. I’d have twenty children with a range of interesting fathers, and live in an overflowing cottage somewhere and eat a lot of porridge with honey.


3. I’d be a bum and live on a beach with sandy hair and falling-apart clothes, and eat seaweed and crabs.


4. I’d assassinate someone I really didn’t like – say, some nasty African/Middle Eastern dictator (or that girl from, scratch that). With a gun which I kept in my garter belt like Mrs Smith.


5. I’d have a heap of cosmetic surgery, paid for by my ageing sugar daddy, and swan around being someone completely different from the me that I was born into. Think ditzy blonde. Then I’d put draino in his coffee and run off.


6. I’d live in a burrow in a forest and learn to speak animal, and eat nuts and berries. I’d be VERY dirty and have matted hair and grunt a lot.


7. I’d take lots of psychodelic drugs and then write about the effects of them on that drugs forum Mr F reads (not that he’s into drugs – he’s just interested on an intellectual level or at least so he says).


8. Hang on, I’m not even obeying my OWN rules…Of course, I’d be a MAN! And what a man! I’d be a big, hairy chested, swaggering, drawling, tight-jeaned, rough-chinned, big-belted, hung like a horse cross between Bear Grylls and Clint Eastwood, and I’d probably die nobly in a hail of gunfire.


9.  Oh and I’d write the Bible. There’d be lots of Do This and Don’t Do That, much of it just for my own amusement.  Thou Shalt Not Eat of the Cashew Nut for these are Dedicated to the Holy Rose.  Thou Shalt go round with No Pants On, the First Saturday of Each Month.  In November, Every Man over 45 Must Give it Up for Whichever Woman Grabs Him.

Any additions? Lives, I mean, or Dictums?




    1. I don’t think it is FAthers Day here yet. Either that or I haven’t noticed it, not being a father (or having a father in the immediate vicinity). But I hope YOU had one!

    1. Yes it was – sorry. I know it’s wrong. And you do kind of have to have seven lives, because you can’t do all this in one life, no matter how many personalities you have. Also, many of these options result in death (by STD, gunfire, boob explosion, etc) so you have to have the ability to start again on a completely different tack.

      1. Still can’t get over number one, I think that’s awesome. Any woman vowing to be a tramp should be honored, not shunned! I think it’s high time we bring back the role of Tantric priestesses and courtesans, what do you think?

      2. sounds good to me. Should be some sort of system where horny women can sign up for sex – go and offer themselves at the local temple or something.

  1. Oh and no, I meant to say it was in response to the Versatile Blogger and the Sunshine, both of which require you to say things about yourself. I don’t mind that, but it’s just that I’m more exciting when ‘made up’.

  2. Damn you’re clever. Pick one, it’s never too late…or did I miss 8? My phone didn’t load Buddha.

    1. I’m living a nice one now, though. These are just the spares. So come on, Melissa, what are YOUR spares???? I know at least one of them has got to involve sparkly jewellery.

      1. This is so cool … as i’m taking credit for your exploration of PERSONAs … per my post, i.e., who the fuck am i? and or who should i be? Anyway, you gave me NINE … good choices. I think the slutty girl sounds fun (if i were younger). Now … everything’s been quit well taken care of :-), and me and my boy are now me and an old guy. So … i dunno. Food for thought. I’ll ponder and blather about it. ?

      2. Rose, it’s cozy, it’s loving, oh, it’s got is bumps. But it’s lovely. Give it a whirl … if you like.

      3. Dare i say it, i met this man on E-Harmony. Oh, yes i did. I did it. I even went at it with a vengeance. I still feel like a doofus for “going” that way, but as it goes … of course i thought he wasn’t my type, because he was a decent person, who asked me questions about myself, remembered things i said, and was very kind. COURSE i wanted to dump him. But i remember the first time i saw him, walking into the restaurant located in the basement of my building. He was so cute. He came in through the doors, looked for the entrance, slicked back his hair, and straightened his jacket … he looked so nervous and, well, yes, NICE … i think i knew i’d found something wonderful. Someone who would comfort me and cherish me. Thank God i thought THAT would be a good thing.

      4. That’s the sweetest thing! I don’t know why people say women don’t like nice men, I do (and you do) – it’s just that they have to have a few other qualities as well. Anyway, sounds like maybe there’s hope for me yet! I have to admit though, to liking guys who are quick witted and intelligent and curious and open minded intellectually – ‘big brains’. If not, guess I would’ve settled down already.

      5. My man can be quick-witted. He’s more reserved than I. He thinks i have tourettes just because i joke a lot and say what’s on my mind. But he loves that about me (but won’t admit it). We balance each other in that way. Here’s the thing i LOVE. He has a PhD in Industrial Organizational Psychology. I have a MA in I/0 psych, and i know there are LOTS of statistics classes one must take to get a PhD. He actually went to DePaul University for his PhD (a VERY GOOD school in Chicago) and he paid for it all himself, a working class boy from the Southwest side of Chicago … living in the “N”s they call it. It’s the core of Early Chicago (now i know why the suburbs are his choice) … close quarters, very close. Personally, i still like the city because it’s crowded with people who don’t know your business. ANYWAY… he is a GENIUS with numbers and stats and economics and all that stuff that confuses me. I respect him. He doesn’t let me walk on him, and I won’t let him walk on me (if the situation turns that way). For the most part, we are compatible, flexible, loving, we have a stupid language Just for Us … and we’ve gotten more accepting of Cuddling as our main source of comfort, connection and romance. Not to say we don’t enjoy the wild thang, but we have become comfortable, but we have joint goals as well. I may post about him, and he may kill me for that. Never mind. D is quite private … that is why i don’t ever (except once with Harper) post pictures of him. He doesn’t have a FB account. aaaaaaaaaaa.

      6. Yeah I got the feeling that D is private.I’d still like to hear the whole story of how you and D got together though, one day, it sounds like a really nice story. Comfortable and cuddling is really good – it’s often underrated. He sounds like a really clever guy. I think a guy that won’t let you walk over him is good too, sometimes you test, and then if they do let you you feel bad about it, but bad about them too. You’ve struck lucky – but then half of that is recognising your luck when it hits, I think.

    1. Alright, but if you’re a horse, be a Snowy Mountains brumby. Don’t be one of those poor things that get ridden round and round in dressage competitions, or the one I ride when I die in a hail of bullets out in the west somewhere.

      1. Oh, i’d have to be a quarterhorse or a race horse … like Secretariat … the last triple crownie. Clint would have to dress up a bit to get on me! Take a bath and things like that. 🙂

      2. OK, maybe a little break from my old guy with another hot-tastic guy wouldn’t be such a mistake, oh slutty young thing that i could be if i were 30 years younger.

      3. before you met him, maybe. If we could all be guaranteed a life partner when we’re 45, say, wouldn’t we all play around till then? Actually, maybe that’d make a good post!

    2. I had my time of playing around up until about 23 (post college). I didn’t have sex for 21 years, love. I punished myself for being a “bad girl”, which i wasn’t. So, my answer is, i would have played around if (a) i wasn’t hiding in my toilet, or attending cult meetings to strangle my bulimia, and (b) if i didn’t think i was a slut. Maybe i shouldn’t have cared on either account, but there you go. It is/was what it is/was. Maybe i could write a post on 21 years of celibacy from a woman of free spirit. There’s a “psycho” drama … but no sparkly jewelry.

      1. That is a really long time to be celibate. But I guess that’s what things like EDs do to you. I always liked sex way too much to be celibate, but then I’ve had a very untroubled life, in some ways. I’m so glad for you that things have ended up so well, on the romantic front. I like to think of you getting lots of cuddles and support.

    1. No, because the idea is that once you’ve done one sort of life, you move on to the next. So once I’ve been a tramp and died of advanced gonorrhea, then maybe I’ll be Clint Eastwood and die at the Ok Saloon. But it won’t matter, because I know I’ve got five more up my sleeve.

  3. Rose, if you ever get to be your choice for #8, well I want to become a beautiful woman, and then… uhm, wait a minute… we already had this conversation, didn’t we? Yeah, well then, what I said before! LOL

    1. well naturally if I get to be my choice for no 8, I’ll be very choosy – I may well put intelligence and charm over beauty. And THEN…Chris, you’ll definitely be in the running!

  4. I love your twist on this award acceptance. 🙂 I think life number 1 would cause life number 2 so you might be able to do them in one lifetime. ;P

  5. Bloody excellent – this is so bloody excellent 🙂 The best I’ve ever read. EXCELLENT.

      1. Yes THAT good! Have you seen what’s out there? For example, I ACTUALLY said 7 things, true, about ME!!!!! 😉 Yes, that good 🙂

  6. “I’d sleep with every man I ever fancied, in fact I’d be the biggest tramp the world has ever seen ”
    You’d be one busy – not to mention sweaty and sticky – gal!
    Hilarious post!

    1. It’s a thought. But I only have so many orifices and I have to blow my nose out of some of them, and breathe, and so on. No, I”d rather do like Messalina and have them all lining up outside my boudoir for their turn.

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