Apparently I forgot the Rule that says that when you accept an award, you have to tell people seven random things about yourself. But, bugger the Rules, I’m going to take up an idea of Vinnylanni’s (Two Lives to Live), and list what I’d do if I had Seven Lives, instead.
1. I’d sleep with every man I ever fancied, in fact I’d be the biggest tramp the world has ever seen. I’d probably kit my room out in red velvet and mirrors.
2. I’d have twenty children with a range of interesting fathers, and live in an overflowing cottage somewhere and eat a lot of porridge with honey.
3. I’d be a bum and live on a beach with sandy hair and falling-apart clothes, and eat seaweed and crabs.
4. I’d assassinate someone I really didn’t like – say, some nasty African/Middle Eastern dictator (or that girl from school..no, scratch that). With a gun which I kept in my garter belt like Mrs Smith.
5. I’d have a heap of cosmetic surgery, paid for by my ageing sugar daddy, and swan around being someone completely different from the me that I was born into. Think ditzy blonde. Then I’d put draino in his coffee and run off.
6. I’d live in a burrow in a forest and learn to speak animal, and eat nuts and berries. I’d be VERY dirty and have matted hair and grunt a lot.
7. I’d take lots of psychodelic drugs and then write about the effects of them on that drugs forum Mr F reads (not that he’s into drugs – he’s just interested on an intellectual level or at least so he says).
8. Hang on, I’m not even obeying my OWN rules…Of course, I’d be a MAN! And what a man! I’d be a big, hairy chested, swaggering, drawling, tight-jeaned, rough-chinned, big-belted, hung like a horse cross between Bear Grylls and Clint Eastwood, and I’d probably die nobly in a hail of gunfire.
9. Oh and I’d write the Bible. There’d be lots of Do This and Don’t Do That, much of it just for my own amusement. Thou Shalt Not Eat of the Cashew Nut for these are Dedicated to the Holy Rose. Thou Shalt go round with No Pants On, the First Saturday of Each Month. In November, Every Man over 45 Must Give it Up for Whichever Woman Grabs Him.
Any additions? Lives, I mean, or Dictums?