By Violent Violet!!!!
Rose has let me write her post today – thanks for nothing, bi-artch!
Frankly, I feel like strangling her and chopping her into pieces and putting her down the sink like that guinea pig in Kevin. Like, she is so HAPPY! And when I say, ‘what have you got to be happy about, you stupid cow!’ she says shit like:
It’s sunny. (I mean, WTF!)
I don’t have to go to work. (well great, you’re unemployed! Let’s celebrate, moron!)
Every day for as long as I can remember (about a week) has been a Good Hair Day (not after I put hair removal cream in your leave-in conditioner, ha ha)
The only mirror I ever look in (the good one) says I look just fine. Great legs, impressive cleavage, hardly ANY wrinkles – I’d almost pick MYSELF up, if I saw me strutting around. (So would I – and chuck you out the 3rd floor window, you stuckup cow!)
Everyone loves me. I have the loveliest teenagers in the world (and they still give me cuddles), the BEST friends (the Noble Savage, Simon the Metal Man, Halinka the Pole) and the sweetest family. (oh aren’t WE popular today!)
My dogs are better than everyone else’s dogs. (Your dogs stink, literally)
When I get into bed, my little cat purrs on my pillow and snuggles down beside me under the covers. When I wake up, there she is with her head on the pillow beside me, snoring in a squeaky, catty sort of way. Could anything be better than that? (Yeah. Ice? And since when’s having a cat instead of a man in your bed been something to frigging boast about??)
Oh yes, and best of all, YOU read my stuff! I’ve been wanting to tell people Stuff for, god, ever since I was about six. I used to walk home from school making up the speeches I’d deliver as soon as I was Prime Minister or possibly Pope. “People of Australia, there is to be no more sport on tv. I’m sorry if you like it, but it bores the pants off me, so I’ve banned it. And another thing…’ (jesus christ will someone shut this woman up already??)
Now, thanks to WordPress, I CAN tell people stuff, and sometimes, you even read it and say things. Fame! No seriously, to be bubbling over with ideas and thoughts, and to write things, and to have an audience, however select, is just blissful sometimes!
You SEE what I have to put up with? Cut and dried case of Annoyingly Cheerful Disorder if ever I saw one. Hand me an axe and let’s sort this out my way!
Reasons to be Cheerful, Part 3