Kounting the Karma

Now that half of my allotted lifespan is (probably) over, I’ve decided I need to think of my spiritual future. I’ve nearly paid off my mortgage, my kids are almost grown, I’ve only got ten years to retirement….I need to start thinking about what will happen to me after the big D! Will my cosmic brownie points be in debit or credit?

To help me in this endeavour, I’ve decided to keep a personal account of the karma I think is owing to me (and the karma I owe) so that whoever’s in charge can simply and easily tot up my spiritual balance sheet and allocate me to the correct reincarnatory level.  So here’s the system:

As believers in reincarnation know, if you’re bad, you go down the scale in your next life, and if you’re good, you go up. Here is a sample scale:

Cat. Obviously the top of the pile. Has already achieved Nirvana, you can tell by the ineffable expression.  To be reincarnated as a cat, you probably need a bare minimum of 500 karmic points each year.

                                                                                                                              Dog.  Fantastic but on a slightly lower spiritual plane. A well balanced dog is the happiest, most generous, loving and grateful-to-be-alive creature in the world.  Let’s say that’s worth about 400 karmic points each year.

Human. Obviously there’s a range, from Mahatma Ghandi right on down to Kim Kardashian, but..somewhere around 300 karmic points annually?

……………………………………………………………………………………..

Guinea Pig. Zero. Guinea pigs are cute but they’re basically walking snacks.

……………………………………………………………………………….

Cane Toad. A blot on the planet or at least on Queensland, Australia. Now we’re getting into minus territory – by 200 points.

………………………………………………………………………..

Mosquito. If mosquitoes became extinct, would anything care? No.  Minus 400.

………………………………………………………………….

Ebola virus. Can’t see the fun in that. Minus 500.

……………………………………………………

……………………………………………………………………..

Obviously I’d like to be reincarnated as a cat, and so my aim (though it’s up to the Powers that Be, really) is to reach or exceed 500 points by Christmas 2012.  The rules of Karma Counting are as follows:

  • I can be awarded up to ten (plus or minus) Karmic Points for each right action, and minus points for wrong ones.  Eg, 10 for volunteering at a homeless shelter, 5 for cooking mum a special dinner with all the trimmings, 1 for complimenting my awful boss on her dress, and -10 for pulling out the neighbour’s crysanthemums.
  • I don’t get to decide this totally by myself. I appoint my friend Captain Savage as Points Referee.
  • Captain Savage (and in fact anyone who’s interested) can suggest Good Deeds for me to perform (and specify the attached points). It’s sort of like Truth or Dare.
  • Good Deeds are not to involve money above $10. I already sponsor 2 orphans and can’t afford any more!
  • Good Deeds are not to involve totally ordinary stuff, like doing the laundry. Yes it is an achievement. No it will not attract Karma.
  • Every Wednesday, I will rate my life in the previous week out of 100 (you gotta love decimals). If ‘what goes around REALLY comes around‘ I expect that my life rating will go up more or less in line with the points I accumulate. Yes I know that’s not how it’s supposed to happen but just work with me here…(anyway, it might!).
  • Anyone who thinks they can accumulate 500 karmic points quicker than I can, is welcome to try. I only ask that no homeless people are injured in the attempt.  Captain Savage has already entered the field (fat chance GS!).
  • He can’t award himself points either. I have to do it.  To play this game, you need a neutral referee.  CS, as a Certified Accountant, is just perfect!

And the bonus is, this will encourage me to be a nicer person. So here goes.

This Week’s Karma

  • Tried to persuade my mum to take up medicinal dope. Printed off google search explaining the many benefits. Plus 1 point.
  • Didn’t visit mum to deliver it, as was too busy stuffing around on blog. Minus 2.
  • Wrote nice poem for friend. Plus 2.
  • It wasn’t one of my best. Minus 1.
  • TOTAL THIS WEEK – ZERO POINTS!!!!

No really, I’m going to do better than that.  I’m just warming up.

xxx


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About turnipsforbreakfast

Rose has two blogs, www.butimbeautiful.wordpress.com, and www.turnipsforbreakfast.wordpress.com. Enjoy!
This entry was posted in Random Rose, The Karmic Challenge, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Kounting the Karma

  1. Capt. Savage says:

    Ok Rose, I accept the challenge and will repost your blog post on my blog… But first you will have to endure, some more poetry so pure… (well maybe not, but it’s late at night, too late for me to get it right)

    Suggest good deeds for you each day,
    Well that’s quite a challenge I must say,
    The thought of you doing acts of grace,
    Has my mind racing quite a pace,
    This test may be too hard to bear,
    And force from me some vacant stares,
    But never fear my dearest friend,
    You karma tests will never end!

    Capt. Savage
    (Possible every poet’s worst nightmare)

  2. iamnotshe says:

    Damn girl, you make me LAUGH! Even talking about D. Oh, that cold D.

    I love your karmic scale. So effing clever. Oh yes, dogs and cats 500! Perhaps 1000 for the pet of choice … although, i’m not sure karma bends that way. erm.

    OK, yeah, leave the neighbors flowers alone, k?

    Good points. Hey, i need to find that poem you wrote for me. I’m giving your 100,000 points. Too much?

    Love, Melissa
    comin’ around again 🙂

    • Well, yeah, I hate to say it, but I don’t think I can earn 100,000 points except maybe by dying to save..my dog or something. Thank you Melissa, you’re lovely, and my thoughts are with you right now too, hope you’re feeling ok.

  3. iamnotshe says:

    Oh, and i’m taking the Karma Challenge. BTW, how old are you? i hope you’re counting on living past 40, alrighty???????? xo m

    • Wunderbar! I sure am counting on it, seeing as I’m 49. I’m hoping to live until at least Christmas, when I expect my karma points will be in a much better state! Let’s see who reaches cat-hood first!

  4. Pingback: Kounting the Karma « Captsavage's Blog

  5. crubin says:

    Fun post! It’s got me thinking I better start working on some Karma points myself. 🙂

  6. This is hysterical. I love how the guinea pig is a walking snack. My plan is to live really well and then I’m going to try to do some really good things closer to the end. Make up time. 😛

  7. Pingback: The Capt. Hits the Karmic Accelerator… Week 29 on Steriods… And no concerns about anti-doping tests « Captsavage's Blog

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