I feel very happy at the moment and I think one of the reasons is…I haven’t had a party for more than 18 months!
Parties are horrible downers. First, you think, I feel a party coming on. You KNOW you didn’t like the last one – but that was ages ago, maybe this one will be better!
THEN you count your friends and acquaintances. You make a list. It looks small, but respectable. It is at these times that you wish you’d taken more trouble to be popular instead of shooting your mouth off.
You think, well if HALF these people come, it’ll be alright. At last I’ll be able to get all my friends and acquaintances in one spot, be nice to them for a couple of hours, and send them home sated with my company and hopefully they won’t bother me again for another couple of years (thus freeing me up to read books in bed).
Then you send out the invites. Some of your friends say no. Most of them say yes! They would love to come to your party. Thank God! You prepare food. You clean up. You invite man of the moment to be there, to hand round drinks and make you look slightly less pathetic (yeah, that IS pathetic).
The day (or night) comes. Several hours before the Party starts, the phone calls and texts start coming in. Sorry, I’m sick. Sorry, I forgot and double-booked. Sorry, I’ll be late. You look at your dwindling list.
The Party begins. Guests trickle in. Man of the Moment rings up to say his ex has had a tantrum and he needs to be there to organise the restraining orders. He was supposed to bring drinks. You look around at your meagre supply of friends and wonder, where are the ones who didn’t text?
Meanwhile you try to stop your more loquacious acquaintances from buttonholing people and telling them all about their last decade’s worth of parking tickets, in between chivvying the silent ones with bright, awkward questions about their recent activity on internet dating sites (just kidding).
Too soon (but not soon enough) the Party ends. The only person who won’t go home is the one you wish would. There are lots of dirty plates. You go to bed, thinking I will NEVER have a party again! Until…