Is it me or…?

Recently I went for a meal with A Friend. This friend is generally a saintly, luminescent individual – and besides that, I really LOVE her! There’s just one funny thing, though, which I’m hoping the following small scene will illustrate.

Friend: What a nice jacket? Is it new?

Me: Sure is! See, I’ve got this wardrobe full of low cut dresses, as you know, and so I thought I’d buy a jacket so I can wear the low cut dresses at work and get away with it. Good idea or what?

Her: Mmm. You’ll be turning fifty know what’ll happen then. Your cleavage will go all wrinkly and then you won’t WANT to wear low cut dresses any more.

Me: And that’s why I’m wearing them NOW.

Later that same night, I got out some pics of Ms M, my gorgeous daughter.

 Friend: Oh – you know what, I thought they were pics of you for a minute!

Me: Yeah, we do look alike (Fancy that! And we’re related, too!)

Friend: Mmm. Although, she has much more regular features than you. She’s very beautiful, isn’t she!

Me: She’s outstandingly beautiful, more than I ever was, that’s for sure (not that I ever was)

Which brings me to my piece de resistance, dredged from, well, some time ago.

Me: Yes! I’ve just dumped the bastard. He cheated – again!! WHAT a creep!!

Friend: Oh dear…you must be upset! Still, he was a VERY attractive man.

Me: You reckon? (so THAT’s why he had to spread the love. A simple matter of one party being a LOT more attractive than the other. Thanks for that insight, Friend)

Now what I wonder is, is there something my Friend would like to say, but can’t quite articulate? Does she feel that I’m so far up my own bum I need to be prised downwards a little for my own good? Does she feel that my self-esteem is so solid that you could drive semi-trailers over it with nairy a squeak? Am I being unbearably smug? Or, really touchy?

Or is it not about me at all?

Anyway, I do ADORE her no matter how she tickles my prickles.



  1. Im kinda questioning if she’s a friend or a frenemy. There’s a lot of passive aggressiveness going on there. You can never really know someone’s motives, but I’d trust your instincts. Maybe next time she says something politely ask her what she means.

    1. She’s not a frenemy, she really is a friend and she’s helped me a lot in many ways. But yeah, passive aggressive hits the nail on the head, there are definitely issues there. Maybe they’re mine too – I should ask her, you’re right.

      1. Sometimes things unsaid fester. Maybe she felt slighted and never mentioned it and it’s kinda coming out in these little snips at you. If she’s been a good friend, it’s probably worth having a conversation. Maybe she doesn’t realize she’s doing it. 🙂

  2. Does she do this shit all the time? Maybe it’s She being She. It’s probably She having a crappy time in her life so she feels it necessary to have company in her misery. But, if you love her to pieces … just chalk it up to “off day”. Just my 2 cents. 😉 m

    1. Not all the time, just sometimes, but she is a bit of a foot-in-mouther. She’s very dear to me but i think I will say something, gently, sometime. I just don’t usually thinkk of it at the time!

  3. Often, the need to bring others down is a sign of someone’s own insecurity about themselves. And maybe even envy. Although difficult (and understandly, so given their behavior), throwing a compliment or two their way can help. They often need this validation. Now, whether or not one has the energy to sustain those relationships is another question 🙂

    1. Yes, absolutely! I’m starting to think that maybe my friend doesn’t know how attractive, intelligent, lovely and generally worthwhile SHE is, and I should put a bit more effort into encouraging her to see that (though she’ll probably squirm at compliments). This friend is definitely for keeps, though, energy or no.

  4. Luminescent, saintly, and with a tendency to blurt…if she were perfect, she’d be no fun to hang out with!

    Anyway, more to the point: I think that your “jacket over the low cut dresses” idea is brilliant. I’m going out to buy low cut dresses immediately.

    1. She’s a sweetheart, I just think she overestimates my self-confidence! And yeah, jackets fix everything! They make most of my crappy old stuff look vaguely professional (at least, they cover it up) – well worth the investment.

  5. Friends as I have learned you have to take with grace. I had a friend who for many years, I all but worshiped. My hubby couldn’t stand her and told me what kind of person she was, but I failed to see it. Then something happened. One day I woke up and started looking at the facts. She wasn’t a bad person, but she wasn’t a really “true” friend either like I had thought. I had known her for practically half my life, and we did so many things together. Our kids were just as close, heck… my hubby and I are her first borns God Daughter. But we stopped talking over one silly thing… because her daughter smarted off to me and I put her in her place. Her husband cussed me up one wall and down another. I saw their true colors. Had it had been my daughter talking that way, they would have had no problem putting her in her place, but it was another thing for me to do it. Since then we have hardly spoken. I lost all respect for her and her husband. My opinions of her changed completely when I found out she had been cheating on her husband with everyone in town for money. So you need to evaluate and look at facts. Sure my friend and I do have some great memories too, but sometimes people change. I’d say to just be really careful for awhile.

    1. Thanks for your advice. Yeah, it sounds like you did the righ thing, some people are just bad news all round, they don’t mean to be, but they are. But this person honestly is sweet and good and lovely, she just has self-esteem issues and ‘she knows not what she does’. She thinks I have a thicker skin than I do – I think we need to have a bit of a chat.

      1. Yeah i would def talk to her…after all what is a friend if you cant express and have a good chat with right? Good luck. Im sure your friend is really sweet 😀

  6. Hey you, you’ve been tagged for the Liebster award again, probably … check out … I’m a little Liebster @ iamnotshe. Shit, i didn’t cut and paste. Sorry. You rock!

    1. Thank you! I will check it out when Mr F lets me on the computer again, and pass it on. Right now I have 20 minutes – on sufferance! You rock too, and I mean it! One day soon I’ll think of my own special award and hand it to you…

  7. I dunno…. but that doesn’t sound like the kinda friend I’d wanna be hanging around. I don’t much care for people who like to use passive-aggressive jabs to try to tear me down.

  8. ButImBeautiful,

    If you want a male point of view (well too bad here it is anyway), I would have had a go at your ‘friend’, generally guys don’t take that sort of crap. Now she may be a friend, but in my world that edges on ‘bitchy’. If she’s a friend she is going to appreciate a bit of honest feedback, i.e. pull your head in sister or I’m going to slap you round a bit.

    Capt. Savage
    (I never take shit from anyone)

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