The Descendants

So, this movie was about a Hawaiian guy whose wife ends up in a coma due to unsafe speedboating practices, and who has to decide whether to sell a large block of ancestral land, and who to.  In the course of the film, he finds out that his wife was having an affair with a real estate guy with a weird misshapen face and very bright teeth, and is understandably horrified.

The highlights of the film were, in this order:

  1. It had George Clooney in it and he looked old.  His back view had that ‘old man’ thickness about the waist, his trousers were pulled up too high and his legs are starting to get skinny. Which is good news for all men who get jealous of GC.  My ex wanted to BE GC, on the grounds that he seemed to get lots of nooky from a variety of women and still be admired ‘the sexiest man alive’ rather than reviled as a stinky philanderer. So if GC could do it, why not me? (because you’re old and bald and mad and you’re not a movie star?).   Plus, in this movie, GC is the Cheatee rather than the Cheater.  Which still sits a bit odd, in my mind.
  2. The errant teenage daughter who gets drunk and has a stupid insensitive boyfriend reminded me of my own dear M (probably ditto for all mums of teenage girls).  Not that MINE gets drunk etc….however there’s a scene where dad brings out breakfast and says cheerily to hungover-looking teenager ‘Well, how about some eggs then!’.  Teenager just casts him a fed-up, ‘oh my god you’re so GAY!’ look and stomps off to her room.  Well, that is SO M.  Only instead of being hungover she’s actually tired out, on account of sleeping all day and staying up all night on ‘Teen Talk’. What IS Teen Talk????
  3. The 11 year old kid who when asked where she learnt the term ‘You whoring son of a fucked up bitch’ points straight at her elder sister.  That is SO kids!
  4. The scenery.  Who would sell an enormous beachfront property replete with romping meadows, cascading tropical flowers, virgin rainforest and untrodden white coves, in order to turn it into holiday apartments and a resort with three swimming pools and a ferris wheel!!! Nobody, so, well…he doesn’t.  Of course.  Movie duly spoilt.


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