Got woken up at 2am last night by our little Chihuahua/Pomeranian cross, taking exception to an unknown threat. After executing her, I dreamed that she had decided to channel her thoughts through a blog instead of yapping. It went something like this:
‘Was woken up at 2am by next-door’s cat trespassing upon the premises. Upon proceeding to investigate, I was confronted by feral neighbours bellowing uncalled for threats and imprecations. So naturally I went out on our verandah and advised them that the noise level was not appropriate for this time of night and that I would be calling my owners and/or the police to notify them of the disturbance should it continue. The gist of the conversation went thus:
Neighbours ‘You fucking shitty little dog, shut the fuck up, I can’t fucking sleep with that fucking yapping going on all bloody night, I’m going to come round there and ring your fucking neck you stupid fucking little bastard….’
Me ‘I beg your pardon? That’s rich coming from you, you frenzied new age parasites! Why it was only the other night when I heard YOU screaming at the top of your lungs at your (bearded, male, pussy-whipped hippy) partner in the carpark at 11pm. As I recall, your remarks were along the lines of ‘I’ll scream as loud as I fucking well like, don’t tell ME to keep my fucking voiiiice doooown!!!’– screeched at a pitch and level that would scare a freight train. AND as for YOUR unfortunate animal, the poor thing yips and wails all day long in your prison-like backyard for some love and attention (not to mention an occasional walk) – it’s a wonder WE don’t complain about YOU!’
However this only appeared to inflame the situation. I therefore decided to accept the suggestion of my owner that I retire to bed to resume my much-needed beauty sleep (particularly as it involved being picked up by the scruff, thrown onto the bed and having the door slammed on me).