Always have some wood handy.
Yesterday I finally received the gorgeous swimsuit (black or white, I choose, it’s reversible) which I ordered online for a summer I intend to spend glamorously lounging by my pool. Seeing as we’ve got nothing better to do, me and my teenage daughter decided to set up an idiotic fake profile on the local dating site. My assumption was – she disagreed – that if I put up a profile of a woman who clearly thought she was the ultimate bitch-sex symbol and preferred guys to approach on their knees if at all – I’d get no offers. Her contention was that I would. So we did.
Anyway to go with this exercise in deceitfulness and public mischief, we needed a picture. So I gave her my camera and got into the swimsuit and some fishnets I happened to have prepared earlier, and posed with my best siren-ish pout in the living room.
Anyway when we viewed the resultant images I nearly fainted so then I decided to get my biggest hat and sunglasses to top it all off with. Slightly better but I still don’t think Scarlett’s got anything to worry about.
Wouldn’t it be funny, I said to my daughter, if right now some delivery guy knocked on the door, and here’s me in my fishnets and high heels and fly-on-the-wall sunglasses. We both started cackling – and then..Knock Knock. Guess what! A parcel delivery man!
So I kind of peeked round the door and signed whatever it was I had to sign keeping most of me out of sight while M cacked her head off and the delivery man looked studiously neutral – I think he might have caught a glimpse of my bizarre outfit in the hall mirror actually.
Which goes to show..the universe IS listening, so watch what you say (or, like I said, have some wood handy, it’s the universe’s equivalent of the delete button).
And btw – the offers flooded in. Men!!!