Tags
car horns, daily life, dating, Dogs, good deeds, humor, humour, insecurity, jobless, karma, kounting karma, pecking order, sex
A Day in the Life Of…
It’s Karma Day! Are YOU feeling karmic, Rose?
I don’t know. What if I don’t pick up another job. They’re sacking people right left and centre here, mostly left though. At least I’ve got my novel. If I can finish it. 3000 words a day. But it’s boring. Even I’m bored. Let’s look at my emails. Oh god nobody’ll ever date me again…it’s been years since any man’s shown an interest in me…let me see, exactly ten weeks! Oh, that’s not so long then. It FEELS like a long time. I’ve never gone a whole ten weeks without a man since I was, what, 18?. What’s the longest anybody’s ever gone without sex?
Well thanks for that insight, Rose. And how about your weekly Good Deeds?
No that’s boring. How about a new kind of car horn? Me and Ms M think it would be a great idea to invent one that goes ‘Titties’ (that’s her) or ‘Look behind youuuuu!’ instead of BIMP. What do you think car horns should say?
That’s not the point. Karma!!!
Ok karma. Well I bought a teeshirt today. It says Free Hugs. I’m going to wear it with a big scowl, just in case anyone thinks I really mean it.
Really?
No not really. Just my characteristic dopey expression, that should get the punters in. ALSO, I brought offerings to the Cat Goddess. Only the cats were a bit nervous – well I would be too – because I smelled like dog and fertiliser.
Why?
Because 2 of my puppies went to the Dog Perfume shop by themselves and came back with Eau de Shit. I washed them – but Eau de Shit is pretty damn clingy.
So PHYSICALLY you smell like dog shit, I mean shitty dog – but how about your eternal soul?
Sorry. Well, I made quiche for my 92 year old mum and three of my siblings turned up and I learned that the lower you are in the pecking order, the earlier you die. What I want to know is, suppose you spend all your time gaming on the internet, can other people tell where you are in the pecking order? Can fellow bloggers tell whether you’re an alpha or a zeta? Well can you? Which am I then? And which are you?
Then the Red Cross Visiting Service rang up and asked if I’d like to adopt another old lady. YES I said (just like Jim Carrey, only with a less twisty expression). Because old people sometimes get really really lonely. My last old person used to light up when I came in, and when I stood up to go, she’d say ‘When are you coming back?’. And I’d say ‘next week’ and she’d say ‘Couldn’t you come any sooner?’ because I was the only person to sit down and talk with her the WHOLE WEEK THROUGH. Plus old people can tell you things – like that the Great Wall of China was built out of rice.
It was not!
It was. Partly. Google it.
So I suppose you think that entitles you to Points, right?
Oh who cares about points really….Yes it damn well does!! And here’s a quote from Buddha, to cap it off.
Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.
Next week, I’ll be wearing the Pink Tee Shirt of Death – and also attempting (like Captain Savage only better) to refrain from Wrong Speech for a whole week. Except on Captain Savage’s upcoming birthday jubilee, because what the hell else will we talk about??
Just kidding.
