The Karma Challenge – Week 8 (Disaster Strikes!)

Tags

bear grylls, buddha, good deeds, humor, humour, karma, karmic challenge, kounting karma, meaning of life, philosophy, right speech

In every challenge, there is a moment when the challenger takes on too much and comes crashing down on her karmic arse.

If I get run over now I’ll probably be reincarnated as a lonely witchetty-grub in a camp-ful of hungry indigenous people who’ve signed up for a traditional cuisine challenge with Bear Grylls.

So – last week I promised myself I’d go a whole week without saying anything nasty.  For the non-Buddhists among you, Right Speech is the third tenet of Buddha’s Noble Eightfold Path.  As the Buddha saith:

Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.

Trailertrash Deluxe, of whom I’ve spoken before, isn’t a fan of Right Speech, and I kinda get where he’s coming from (I think).  I’m not that into BEING nasty but I really love being free to TALK nasty  (just a little, sometimes) – plus that kind of talk’s a lot less boring than the nice kind (again, just a little, sometimes?).

Anyway, I tried.  The results were..just nasty.

On Saturday night I took my best friend to see Carmen, the opera.

_______________________________________________________________

Since I’m still learning how to be a femme fatale, I thought it’d be educational for me, and titillating for him.  So we’re sitting there, and the stage empties, and I think, right, intermission! So I say to him, kinda loudly, ‘That Carmen, she just isn’t sexy.  And she’s dressed all wrong!  And as for that sexy dancing on tables number, I could dance better than that ANY DAY!’.  Then I realise it’s not the intermission, nobody else is saying anything, and the orchestra is trying to play a little mid-scene tune – over my complaints.  Shut the f up, Rose!

But it gets worse.  Yesterday I was going through my email and there’s a nice comment from The Hook commending me on my work, as he sometimes does.  So without looking at the work he’s commending me on, apparently, I scribble something self-deprecating back to the effect that it’s just me having writer’s diarroeah – and click send.  A little later, I notice another comment, this time from my friend Iamnotshe.  I thought you LIKED my poem, says Mel.  Er, what?  Oh shit – a re-blog! So instead of saying MY stuff is shit, I’ve said HER stuff is shit!  When it’s not shit, it’s wonderful, and clever, and best of all it’s about ME.  Dig yourself out of that one, Rose.

Did I make up for all this by wearing the Pink Tee Shirt of Doom?  Well, yeah, sure, I wore it for two days, got a few incredulous grins – and then stopped wearing it because it got too cold.  Totally wimpy.  Anyway instead of saying Free Hugs on it, it should say Free Nervous Grimaces.  That’s the introvert’s version – it’ll be available in the shops real soon.

To top it all off I’ve called at least two fellow bloggers who revel in their sumptuous femininity, ‘he’.  Sorry?

This is the Week of Karma Disaster.   Minus HOW many points, Captain Savage?

My question for next week is – SHALL I go to the ball?? By which I mean, the Sydney Writer’s Festival. I’ve never been to a Writer’s Festival. I don’t know anyone.  It’s a long drive. In my Hugs Tee Shirt?  Fairy Godmother! Where ARE you!!!

Rose~a: A Mona Lisa

Reblogged from iamnotshe:

Rose/by mel

Oh Rosa My-Oh Mona Lisa

You make me laugh You make me cry You make be batty When you’re shy

You caught my eye My jaunty gal I found your smile ~ and all the while …

I saw that Hair!

Oh fair oh fair That fluffy hair! It’s not fair My hair needs flair.

Please share your secrets If you care.

Read more… 54 more words

From Melissa to lucky, lucky me!!!

What would you do if you woke up and you were a cockroach?

Tags

books, cockroaches, curiosity, humor, humour, Kafka, literature, metamorphosis, reviews, stories

I’ve been meaning to read Kafka for ages – so I can just drop the fact that I’ve read his stuff casually into conversations and become even more popular than I already am. Well now I’ve got a Kindle and I’m not afraid to use it, so I bought Kafka’s entire works for $2.50, which is kind of an insult to him come to think of it.

So, Kafka’s Metamorphosis.

This guy wakes up in the morning, and he’s a cockroach. His first thought is, damn, I’ve slept in! What will the boss think when I don’t catch the early morning train! How will I support my aged parents and lovely younger sister?

Because the thing is, he awakes on his back, and it takes him at least till the end of the first chapter to get onto his little cockroach legs, and that not without banging his poor little head and making cockroachly ooze come out.  Also the boss is extremely strict about these things (lateness, I mean, not ooze).

Well, he DOES get sacked – surprise surprise – but throughout most of the story he isn’t really thinking ‘Oh God, how awful, I’m a cockroach!’. No, he’s thinking things like, ‘I’m hungry’, and ‘how nice and cosy it is under the couch’, and ‘why won’t they let me sit at the dinner table any more?’.

As for his family, after they get over their initial fright at being confronted by a jaw-snapping, pus-oozing and presumably over-sized cockroach who is somehow recognisable as their boy, they start feeding him rancid scraps and re-decorating his room, bug style.  It’s not that long, though, before even his dad wants to step on him.

Eventually..well I won’t spoil it but the thing is, this is a very odd story. I mean, if YOU woke up and you were a cockroach, wouldn’t you be thinking about other things than being late for work? But, he does have a lot of fun running over the walls and ceilings.

If you HAD to wake up as a creature, what creature would you be? I would be a magpie, because it’d be an outlet for my natural viciousness (where I live, they spend a lot of time swooping bicyclists, well I don’t like bicyclists much either..).

Thems Fightin’ Worrds!

Tags

beauty, doing good, feminism, good causes, goodness, humor, iamnotshe, science fiction, sharmishtha basu, stories, warriors, whiteladyinthehood, writing

You gotta say that with a thick Northumbrian accent, ok?

This post is to celebrate two dear friends and fellow Warriors from the blogosphere, the Star Warrior (otherwise known as Iamnotshe) and the Peace Warrior (otherwise known as Sharmishtha Basu).

That’s enough about them, now let’s get back to ME.  I asked my dear blog-friend Mel  if she’d draw one of her pictures for me One Day….and one day came, and lo, it was Now, and it was Me.

I have to admit having my picture drawn EVEN by Mel was a bit confronting for me because part of me thinks I’m as ugly as I am clever, and any actual representation of my face is therefore very scary (or not, as the case may be).  But the best thing in these cases is just to open your arms wide and accept yourself exactly as you are  (works for resisting tickles, also).  So THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU dear Mel and I will treasure this drawing ALWAYS.

And in return, here is a story for Mel and all those others out there who fight the good fight against the Drones of Vogue!  Go screw yourself, Cosmo!

RETURN OF THE STAR WARRIOR, by Rose

“HEY YOU!”

The Sky Guard walked towards her, legs impossibly long – literally – in sky high heels and silk stockings. The Vogue badge on her outsized chest threw the light back from the strobe in the guard tower.  The beam caught her full in the face, picked out hard-angled cheekbones and lips like a puffer fish, then moved on.

Was she an android, the Star Warrior wondered, or a human, built to look like one?  And more to the point, how did she fit all the regular organs in, with that height to weight ratio.  She waited, hand on hip.

“Ok, freeze!”

Melissa raised a rhinestone-covered hand.

“Babe, I’m unarmed. You don’t need to be afraid of little ole’ me!”

The guard drew her nuclear-powered sabre.  Over-armed as well as over-dressed, thought Mel.   But we’ll see who wins this little catfight!

__________________________________________________________

Now my friend Sharmishtha is another sort of warrior.  Every Thursday SHE posts a list of blogs that aim to change the world just a little bit for the better.  Sharmishtha the Peace Warrior wants to know, how would YOU change the world if you could? WELL????????

APART from throwing stupid people off cliffs? (no sorry, that was my friend Violent Violet, shutup Violet)

• I’d scrap traditional education and replace it with a curriculum completely focused on kindness, empathy, tolerance and a big dollop of critical thinking.
• I’d institute universal free child care and preschool ?  Why? So people who don’t love their kids can give them to other people to love, at least in the daytime.  Which leads me to…
• My other idea – huge taxes on people who do things with paper money which I can’t understand, to be used to give even huger pay increases to (good) teachers, nursing home staff and child care workers.
• Whopping penalties for people who are cruel to animals or children or, well, anyone – involving hard labour planting up our cities with vegies and flowers and re-painting everything in rainbow colours.
• Knighthoods and Australia Day honours to be ripped from Rupert Murdoch and any other rich creepy person and re-allocated to those people who rescue kids from burning buildings and the Cat Lady.
• All workplaces to allow people to bring their pets, children and old mothers to work.  Any time this takes from actual ‘work’, will be withdrawn from ‘meeting’ time.
• Summer street parties with chocolate and dancing and Stevie Wonder and lots of old people and kids and EVERYBODY.  These to be organised by Registered Extroverts.  That’ll teach the bastards.

Any other ideas?

And finally i want to say hello to:

White Lady in the Hood. I went in a hood once. I was scared. But White Lady isn’t.  She lives in her Hood, teaches little kids and she’s one of the funniest nicest real-est warmest people in the blogosphere.

365 Days of Goodness, who’s involved in ‘Project Goodness’. The focus of her most recent post is teaching kids to get involved in helping people out.  If all ‘helping’ projects involved cute kittens, I think I could get Ms M on board.

The Truth Warrior. With every dash of peace and love and universal harmony there’s gotta be a dollop of ‘get real – I effin HATE people, I wanna throw them all off cliffs!’.  Violet, I already TOLD you to get OFF this blog!!!  The Truth Warrior says it’s ok to feel what you feel. Emotions aren’t good, they aren’t bad, they just are. Couldn’t agree more…

The Karma Challenge – Week 7

Tags

car horns, daily life, dating, Dogs, good deeds, humor, humour, insecurity, jobless, karma, kounting karma, pecking order, sex

A Day in the Life Of…

It’s Karma Day! Are YOU feeling karmic, Rose?

I don’t know. What if I don’t pick up another job. They’re sacking people right left and centre here, mostly left though.  At least I’ve got my novel.  If I can finish it.  3000 words a day.  But it’s boring.  Even I’m bored.  Let’s look at my emails.  Oh god nobody’ll ever date me again…it’s been years since any man’s shown an interest in me…let me see, exactly ten weeks!  Oh, that’s not so long then.  It FEELS like a long time.  I’ve never gone a whole ten weeks without a man since I was, what, 18?.  What’s the longest anybody’s ever gone without sex?

Well thanks for that insight, Rose.  And how about your weekly Good Deeds?

No that’s boring. How about a new kind of car horn? Me and Ms M think it would be a great idea to invent one that goes ‘Titties’ (that’s her) or ‘Look behind youuuuu!’ instead of BIMP.  What do you think car horns should say?

That’s not the point. Karma!!!

Ok karma. Well I bought a teeshirt today.  It says Free Hugs. I’m going to wear it with a big scowl, just in case anyone thinks I really mean it.

Really?

No not really. Just my characteristic dopey expression, that should get the punters in.  ALSO, I brought offerings to the Cat Goddess.  Only the cats were a bit nervous – well I would be too – because I smelled like dog and fertiliser.

Why?

Because 2 of my puppies went to the Dog Perfume shop by themselves and came back with Eau de Shit.  I washed them – but Eau de Shit is pretty damn clingy.

So PHYSICALLY you smell like dog shit, I mean shitty dog – but how about your eternal soul?

Sorry.  Well, I made quiche for my 92 year old mum and three of my siblings turned up and I learned that the lower you are in the pecking order, the earlier you die.  What I want to know is, suppose you spend all your time gaming on the internet, can other people tell where you are in the pecking order? Can fellow bloggers tell whether you’re an alpha or a zeta? Well can you? Which am I then? And which are you?

Then the Red Cross Visiting Service rang up and asked if I’d like to adopt another old lady. YES I said (just like Jim Carrey, only with a less twisty expression).  Because old people sometimes get really really lonely.  My last old person used to light up when I came in, and when I stood up to go, she’d say ‘When are you coming back?’. And I’d say ‘next week’ and she’d say ‘Couldn’t you come any sooner?’ because I was the only person to sit down and talk with her the WHOLE WEEK THROUGH.  Plus old people can tell you things – like that the Great Wall of China was built out of rice.

It was not!

It was. Partly. Google it.

So I suppose you think that entitles you to Points, right?

Oh who cares about points really….Yes it damn well does!! And here’s a quote from Buddha, to cap it off.

Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.

Next week, I’ll be wearing the Pink Tee Shirt of Death – and also attempting (like Captain Savage only better) to refrain from Wrong Speech for a whole week.  Except on Captain Savage’s upcoming birthday jubilee, because what the hell else will we talk about??

Just kidding.

What’s wrong with killing babies?

Tags

controversy, ethics, feelings, killing babies, melbourne university professors, murder, philosophy

And apologies in advance for the controversial subject…

Two Melbourne philosophy professors recently caused an uproar when they said that it wasn’t any MORE wrong to kill newborn babies than to kill foetuses in the womb, and that sometimes, it might actually be the right thing to do.  Logically, they argued, what’s the difference?

Ok I know some people think it’s wrong to kill babies OR foetuses (and some of these people think it’s alright to kill adults if they break the wrong law, live in the wrong country or perform the wrong medical procedures).

I’m not weighing in on this. Really.  It’s a minefield.  See below.

But professional ethicists usually miss the point.  Ethics isn’t about rationality.  Ethics is about how we feel.  We have evolved to feel bad about things that don’t help us survive, and good about things that do.  We don’t like killing babies, because as a slow-breeding species, we don’t have babies to spare (unlike, say, rats, who eat theirs at times).  On the other hand infanticide is more common in times when fertile adults have to choose whether to starve to death together with their newborns or live to breed another day – ancient Greece, for example, or biblical Palestine.

Many of us don’t feel the same about something we can’t see (a baby in the womb, pigs in an abattoir, global warming, the Congo, god) as we do about something we CAN see (a just-born baby, a poster of a foetus that looks just like a baby, god?).

How we FEEL is the crux of the matter.  Yes I’ve had an abortion (one).  I cried.  If I had my time over I’d have been a damn sight more careful with contraception and casual hookups.  No I’d never kill my baby (not even now I know he’s going to vote for the right wing party in the next elections).

I’m kind of hoping the more ‘civilised’ we get, the more we extend our feelings of empathy – from our family, to our community, to our country, to other countries, to our species, to other species.  What we don’t want to do is discount those feelings in the name of rationality.

The way we feel about things will change from time to time and place to place, but please don’t give us those long diatribes saying we should make up our minds based solely on what’s ‘rational’.  In some ways, our feelings are more rational than reason.

I’m going to christen this The Week of the Insane Rant. Anyone want to join in?

Pina!

Reblogged from texthistory:

I finally managed to watch the DVD by Wim Wenders about Pina Bausch and her Wuppertal Dance Company. It was a rare combination of wonderful subject matter shot by a master filmmaker who showed them at their brilliant best.

For those who have not seen them, I saw them at the St Kilda Palais about 30  years ago, fresh from their appearance at the Adelaide Festival.

Read more… 497 more words, 3 more videos

This is so WEIRDLY funny! And the actors/dancers are Aussie! Thank you Text history

How to win friends and then piss them off

Tags

botoxing eight year old girl, dale carnegie, how to win friends and influence people, humour, popularity, Relationships, remembering names, spoof

Mr F (my 17-year old son and hero) is reading How To Win Friends and Influence People. That alone shows he’s a chip off the old block in that it’s totally uncool to read a self-help book written, what, 80 years ago? But he seems to be lapping it all up and good on him, there wouldn’t be a 17 year old boy alive who wouldn’t be improved by taking on some of Mr Carnegie’s maxims.

For instance, this one (as paraphrased by me):

“Nobody is interested in YOU.  They’re interested in themselves. So to make people like you, YOU have to be interested in THEM.’

So that’s why I’m so popular (see I know these things instinctively).  No really, that’s so true, and many an internet dater would do well to remember it (only, then you can get those awkward situations, you know “So what are YOU interested in?” , “Oh me! Let’s not talk about that, you tell me what YOU’RE interested in!”.  Alright WTF let’s talk about me then.

UNTIL I get to the point where I don’t want the person to like me.  Say, I don’t particularly like THEM, or, I get bored, or other things seem more important, like spending time with ME.  The thing is,well-balanced people don’t always want to be popular, with everyone, all the time.  Sometimes we’re happy to be unpopular.

Still…when you’re a nerdy teenager you generally DO want to be more popular and I just wish I’d read that book THEN, when I was nice.

The most important word in anyone’s life is THEIR NAME

Good point. I forget names. I forget faces. Last weekend I called Neighbour 1 (who I’ve known for 2 years) by Neighbour 2′s name. She was gracious about it (she pretended she didn’t hear).  I also tried to remember my work colleagues’ names by giving them little adjectives ‘Nearly Pregnant Nina’, ‘Knitting Belinda’.  Only problem – when Belinda (who inexplicably seemed to spend hours at work sitting in the tea room making blankets) put down her needles, I didn’t have a clue who she was. No no, you’re Knitting Belinda – go back and Knit!

The funny thing (well one of them) about DC’s seminal tome is that he keeps referring to people by name and location, as in ‘Mrs Elsie P. Higginbottom of Hicksville, Carolina, related the following story..’.  Sweet!  Hardly anyone wants to be named and shamed in a self-help book these days – obviously there are easier ways to get famous, like botoxing your eight year old.

Have a happy divorce!

Tags

awards, bloggers, children, divorce, good deeds, karmic challenge, parenting, Relationships

And while you’re about it, do you mind if the kids call you ‘Father’ instead of Daddy? Because now Steve and I are living together, I’d like the kids to call Steve ‘daddy’ from now on.

“Yes, that’s right, your daughter’s about to have brain surgery. Yes she might die. Yes I’d like you to cover my accommodation while I’m here looking after her.  No you can’t visit her.  Why not? Because I’m with her, and I’ll have a nervous breakdown if you’re in the same room with me! “

………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“You gave up your right to be a father/mother when you had that affair! You should’ve thought of THAT when you walked out on me!”

“Look, darling! You want to know why daddy’s clothes are out on the front lawn? Because he’s going to live with another lady now and be a daddy to HER children.  Yes that’s right,he doesn’t love US any more.”

“Yes, it’s Daddy here.  Daddy really misses his little sweeties! Daddy’s crying EVERY night he doesn’t have his little sweeties with him.  Would you like to come and see poor Daddy this weekend? You wouldn’t want to make poor Daddy cry, would you?”

Ok, LISTEN UP, fuckers!  (I’m not talking about you, dear) You’re out of bounds. Your heart may be broken but you’re a parent and that means you have to act all grown up even if you aren’t.  If it was up to me, you’d have to fill out a pre-nup before you even HAD kids, saying who’s going to get them, for how long, when you break up – and it’d be FINAL (unless there was abuse in the case).  Child support would be tied to access, on request from either party.  There’d be public information campaigns naming and shaming post-separation emotional abuse of kids.  And this time, it’s NOT personal. Play nice!

On a lighter note, here’s some interesting questions from Rose’s Stupendously (sorry I like that word) Karmic Bloggers Award List.

The Way I Live Naturally wants to know What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago?  I can tweet! Does that make me a twit or a twat?

A Day in the Life of Me asks, Why do I even bother?  After all ‘Right before you die, you’ll realize this whole life was about watching television. And you loved people!’. Oops, no sorry, the other way around. Still it would be funny if….

Altonlocke has a lot to be thankful for.  HE says “I’m thankful for the last 16 months of my life, I’m thankful that I had to endure pain, humiliation, being lied to, and being let down time and time again.”  Yes, it’s THANK YOUR EX DAY again! All power to you, Altonlocke! (he’s right)

And Minervashail asks “How often do we see highly educated individuals giving up their successful careers in corporate sector for social service?” Probably not very often. Which is why Chhavi Rajawat, MBA, teaches in a village school – and why I’ve decided to donate my stupendous talents to the not-for-profit sector, should they choose to accept them.  LUCKY NFPs!

Love and fun, Rose

The Karma Challenge – Week Six

Tags

changing your life, good deeds, karma, karmic challenge, meaning of life, philosophy

Believe nothing merely because you have been told it. Do not believe what your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher. But whatsoever, after due examination and analysis, you find to be kind, conducive to the good, the benefit, the welfare of all beings — that doctrine believe and cling to, and take it as your guide.

Buddha

The Aspiration

Write my sister a story to tell her how great she is.

The Reality

_______________________________________________________________

I have a very beautiful elder sister (actually I have three).  Anyway sometimes I think this sister doesn’t realise how very special she is. She’s always running round helping people, babysits more grandchildren than you could beat with sticks, and every time I’ve been in trouble she’s been right there.

Plus this sister of mine is REALLY CLEVER. She listens to Fact Radio and reads Fact Books and remembers lots of important things about what you shouldn’t eat and how the (human) world is coming to an end, which I’d like to know about but don’t have the brains, let alone the stamina.

And what else? Well I used to be quite jealous of this sister, because she could somehow eye a man up at twenty paces and the next thing he’d be sitting next to her – ignoring lissom, intellectual MOI – and buying her drinks and chatting her up like crazy!  This woman is petite, cute and an Olympic level flirt!  Anyway my beautiful sister, while not being exactly a saint – who is, anyway! – is really lovable and intelligent and unique and the best friend anyone could ever have – so I wrote her a silly story to celebrate.

And here it is.

The Final Miracle of the Blessed Saint Liane

On a wet Sunday morning, Father Brian O’Riley stood at the taxi rank at Sydney Airport, holding a black leather briefcase.  He wore a black suit and round black hat: underneath it, his cobalt eyes, lean, handsome features and saturnine expression seemed strangely worldly for one of his profession.

The Archbishop’s driver came hurrying up behind him…….

3 POINTS?

Lest old acquaintance?

Isn’t it funny what coincidence throws up!  If I believed in Stuff, I would almost think it was Stuff trying to tell me stuff.  Anyway, this is what happened.  I was sitting writing my novel, thinking, I haven’t done anything particularly NICE this week, when my mobile rings.

I have this funny effect on a few people.  Occasionally I’ll meet/see/sleep with someone, and they will NEVER forget it.  It sounds vain to say so but actually I think most other people just have a much better memory than I do.  So every now and again one of these people will ring me, out of the blue, and say, “Hello Rose, it’s me! How are you!” as if we only just met last week and were good mates. When in fact, we met a VERY long time ago.

ANYWAY – who should it be on my mobile but one of these people.  So we have a little conversation, in which she says ‘I’m feeling very lonely at the moment.  How about I come visit you some time (from another city)?’ and I say ‘That’s a lovely suggestion but I’m really busy right now – maybe we could just email for now?’  And I ring off and think,

Ok, Universe. So here I am, going on about how I should try to be nicer to people – so you send me someone – a lonely, friendless person – to be nice to, and AM I nice to her??  Not very.

Well I think about it for a bit and then I think, there was a time (more than one) when I was lonely. I wanted to make friends with someone and THEY decided there wasn’t anything in it for them, so they rejected me.  It didn’t feel great.  NOW I’m the one who can withhold or reject. So I wrote my acquaintance a friendly email, saying that it was nice that she’d got in touch and that I know how it feels to be lonely.  I hope she’ll write back.

I’m now waiting for my OTHER admirer to call.  Only I know what he – still – wants, and it’s not an email.

2 POINTS?

Current Points Status: I think I may have reached Cockatoo level.   I see a lot of those around at the moment and they have a nice life sitting up in the trees round here and deafening people.

Plus, I’m going well on the Not Thinking Cannibalistic Thoughts About My Ex front. Not from trying, just because – finally – I seem to be losing interest in it. And don’t forget the Cat Lady, Captain Savage!

_______________________________________________________________________

Next week, I challenge Captain Savage not to say anything bad about anyone for the WHOLE WEEK.  After that, he can let loose, because I wouldn’t wish more than a week’s verbal constipation on anyone!